Skinny wrists. Is there any exercises to build them up?

My wrists are too skinny to wear a watch. Can anybody tell me effective excersice to build them up?

WOW, i see we're in serious trouble here. It looks like your wrists are too small to type exercise correctly... I just looked that up in a wrist handbook and i think you're beyond excersice help... could suggest doing a few thousand pushups but I'll do you one better, here's how to build a watch for your wrists.

Since we're working with subatomic particles, you'll need an electron microscope. Bank loan(s) should cover most of the. You may need to see someone in malaysia about selling a kidney.

Let's skip ahead and assume that you noticed "some assembly required" on each of the 67 boxes that now fill your laboratory (high school gym). So you'll need a few hours to catch up with everything but that is all factored into my fees.

Begin altering your double helix strands of DNA. I'd look for the one marked "wuss wrist", it should stand out like a sore wrist that is too puny to wear a watch. Do a "find - replace" and stick the old "watch wrist" in there. From now on, and depending on your physics skills, you'll either have a strong wrist or you won't be able to move your eyes away from your wrist. Also, I think there's a character limit, so you might have to put watwrist or something like that in there. I just tried to put "bruce willis wrist" into mine (i have big wrists but not die hard wrists) but i was limited to "bruce will".... i left it, and expect a full report... also placed "die hard" in my mortality slot. i wanted die hard with a vengence but that pesky character limit is making a mockery of fine films.

Anyhow, problem solved.

Putting certain objects in certain places for happier lifestyle?

I read about this a while ago and i thought it was interesting but i cant find anything on it.

It was something like, several objects have to be in certain areas of the room for you to be happy. Like...if your trash barrel is in the financial section then you will be financially doomed...stuff like that.

Can anyone help me?

As another customer mentioned, this has to do entirely with balancing. Two begin: to finish, both must finish.

Chew on that for a minute.

I made it up with my favorite can of orange soda firmly planted near a stationary bike.

Now, I've said it before and I'll type it again here. I'm not a fan of happiness and happy lifestyles. Bobby McFerrin can't see the forest for the seas. The ocean seems unending, as does anything that stretches beyond the horizon, no?

Now, I'll still help out, because I was watching Grumpier Old Men (got the DVD for 19.99 at frontflix [a division of crubridoe]) this morning and realized that the universe may be an extension of my basic consciousness. Outside of cerebral limitations, everyone exists everywhere or I am the ground.

First of all, you need objects in certain places and they need to stay there. For heavier pieces of furniture that aren't going to listen to you when you scream "HEEL" at 4 am during a hailstorm, let me recommend cementing them into place. This would include chairs, sofas, german shepherds, floors, popsicles and chin up bars (dude never listens, i've been barking orders at his shiny stainless steel rear end for three weeks and he won't budge an inch).

Find a room and fill it with cement. Let the cement dry (6-8 inches above the original floor height should be a MINIMUM folks) and place your trash barrel into your mid section. Ram it in there with some force. Think of all those people who dare SUCCEED and WORK HARD, smash that trash barrel, look to break ribs. Remember that one guy who had a good idea and acted on it and then made money THAT YOU DON'T HAVE? yeah, this is for him. Start smashing your upper body now, and get that face into the action.

Now, let's see financial ruin even try to step into your home.

And yeah, I'll be billing you.

Source(s):
I've been selling concrete to home owners for 25 years.

chyeah bro

How to mount speakers on the wall.?

guys,I have got logitech z-2300 speakers.I would like to mount them on my wall. Please tell me how can i do that as there is no hole behind these speakers,also can i place subwoofer above these speakers.


boom, we'll get this knocked out in a few days, tops.

first, and I gotta give you credit here: you noticed that the logitechs don't have a hole behind them... grab a hammer and clear about an 8" diameter of space. get down to floor level and take a peek inside the speaker, from here you can see the second problem: magnets! there is a large magnet inside, de-powering your speakers. logitech is known for this chicanery.

now, to get rid of that magnet... you can't touch them directly because your body digests a large amount of iron everyday and i don't think you want to be walking around with a speaker stuck to your head, when it's raining.

first, take a towel and place it over the magnet. next, lie face down on the towel. line your nose up with the center of the magnet. it might take you a few days but i think you know what i'm getting at here. yeah, do it.

now, to mount them on your wall. do the usual prepwork (shoot healthy horse, give to glue factory in exchange for 4 gallons of the good stuff) and coat your bedsheets with the glue. strip off your clothes and hop into bed before the glue dries. wrap yourself up into a cocoon like shape.

with the installation gear properly fitted, you're now ready to begin installation.

peel your arms away from your body. i'll give you a moment. and grab a few tons of river rock from your local riverbed. i'd suggest grabbing the largest slabs (15-20 feet across) as they "hold sound" the best.

have a contracting company escort your new shelves to your lawn.

without cutting them in any way, "fit" said river rock into your home. as your doorways expand, you'll notice your foundation will also sway and eventually give way. you may need that hammer again for the more resilient load-bearing walls.

by the time you get the river rocks into place, your home should fold in on itself (you do own a house, correct?) slide your speakers in there before the big stuff comes in (roof etc) and watch those puppies more or less install themselves.

as for the subwoofer, you really don't have a choice. it's going to have to be installed above the speakers. i think you'd have avoided asking that if you'd ever tried to move a few tons of river rock out from underneath your home.

Subwoofers, duh

Can I loose my house?

I have an investment home which I can no longer maintain. I have tried renting and selling it but nothing happens. I can't afford the payments anymore. If the bank takes it, can the bank later come after me for my home even if I have homestead excemption?

This is the question I have been waiting for.

I'm not usually one to give away free advice, but I can see that you're in desperate need, so I will definitely help you out with this one.

First off, I see you have this pesky Investment home on the side that is mucking up the whole works. I also see, that you have unsuccessfully tried renting and selling it, to no avail, which basically means you have sold or rented it. So there you go, problem number one solved due to a glitch in the English language I hadn't even realized I was exploiting. (This is rather common)

If you still feel as if you haven't rented or sold your investment home, then I can give you some other ideas. You've tried renting, and selling, so lets keep on with the -ing words... Have you tried eating it? There is a french man who goes by Monsieur Mangetout who ate an entire airplane piece by piece. (don't believe me? best to google it) So, if you have a great enough desire to get rid of this thing, you'll eat it. Just give yourself some time and when all is said and done, no more investment, and something will happen (quite the opposite of the nothing you say is happening now)

O.K. now that we have the investment home out of the way either by grammatical error or consumption, lets get down to business and Loosen your current home.

This will best be done while wearing a sailors uniform.

Start by walking around the perimeter of the rooms of your house (this is for carpeted rooms only, of course) this prepares your rooms for expansion and contraction, which they will be partaking of during the respiratory sequence. You'll need to walk as close to the walls as possible preferably close to but not touching the walls. Also slam your feet toward the floor-boards (if there are no floor-boards install some prior to doing this) but DO NOT kick the floor-boards! You'll see why in a minute.

After you've completed the preliminary floor perimeter edging, you'll need to start the Expression Method. The easiest way to start the Natural process of Expression built into most homes is to Leave the house for an hour or two. Make sure to lock the door and make it difficult for you to get back into the house. The house will respond to this positively. Anyway, before you leave you'll want to turn on all of the faucets in the house. and make sure to plug those drains, you'll need a good 4 inches of water on the floors to get a good "bleed". (Aren't you glad you didn't kick the floor boards now?)

While you are out, pick up a lemon and cut it in half. Eat half, and then put half in your pocket.

Return to the house and get into the house without opening any doors or windows. (We don't want to let any of the water out) I would suggest Climbing to the roof and boring a hole in the roof somewhere. Only make the hole big enough for you to squeeze through uncomfortably.

You will now be in the main control center, or what the house likes to call its Mantacular Repository. You will need to activate its reflector nodes by pressing the "on" button. To find this, crawl into the area where the roof meets the edge of the house. You'll notice a slight gap between the house and the gutters outside, with your face pressed into the insulation reach your hand into the gutter. Feel that sludge? that is the switch you need to toggle, just squeeze it three times with your hand and your House's brain activity will jump 300%. Now let's head downstairs.

Once there you will notice that the house has started to ooze it's Natural Expression on the inner walls. The house should also almost be full of water. At this time you will move on to the Respiratory Phase.

Begin breathing the water. It will be difficult at first to let the water into your lungs, but I've heard it's very peaceful once you finally give in. You will want to jump-start your houses Respiratory Phase by drawing in as much of the water as possible into your lungs, and then then spitting it out with great force. Being 120% water you will be suprised how much water the lungs can actually hold. You should be able to fit most of the water inside your house into your lungs. Repeat this a few times to make sure the house begins it's fluctuation.

This will alert the Grand Champion of the Sea.

You should now begin calling your crustacean friends through your house's now living pipes. Tap out a question that is the answer to itself on the pipes in Morse code (I know, why would crustaceans know Morse code? you got me bub.) They should begin crawling out of your pipes within the next few days. They will know how to batten down all of the hatches and ready the cannons for firing.

Over the next few days if you watch through the windows, you will notice that you house is growing legs and arms. There is no way to speed up this process you must simply pray that they are fully grown before the Grand Champion of the Sea finds you.

Once he does, Your house will hopefully be loosened enough to stand and destroy him. If not, you'll have to restart the entire process and this time not kick the floor boards like I told you.

Source(s)

The Old Man and the Sea

Link to Answer

Some how I have a highlighted area on some of the words I see,Whats up??

Finally an easy question!

I'm alright, whats up with you?

First off, head over to detox. They'll be able to take care of the whole problem with you seeing the words you say. I accidentally drank 3 half gallon jugs of kerosene last winter and had a similar experience. Instead of seeing the words I said, I saw all the words I didn't say, needless to not say I suffered from temporary blindness until I came to my senses and started speaking every thought.

In order to replicate, I'm going to take a stab at that darker area in the center of your words and say that you have ingested some office supplies in your recent past. To check, head over to work, sit down in your cube and grab a pen from your desk. Stick the pen deep into your throat until that trusty gag reflex kicks in. Empty contents into trash can.

Now, you didn't swallow that first pen did you? if so, repeat step 1 with ANOTHER pen and get the first pen out of your stomach.

Remove all of the keys from your computer's keyboard. Glue your favorites to your fingers (your thumb is not a finger), and then write the key's character onto your corresponding fingernail. This will save time later.

Attach another keyboard to your computer and using your key-fingers, type out a summary of the problems you are experiencing to take with you to detox.

Stumble into work with a couple gallons of kerosene (if you get more than 1.5 down, you've gone above and beyond) and begin drinking. You may want to start off with shots but after 20 minutes you'll be chugging the stuff just to get this over with.

You should begin seeing your words now. They will float and quiver right in front of your face almost immediately.

Be sure to continue documenting your visions with your key fingers and don't stop talking! trust me on that one, think of word tetris hell, level 74, being played LIVE. that's how bad this will be.

have a sip of antifreeze and start your cool down. if you're still at work, i'd recommend some pushups on your desk. if you're feeling ambitious, stack your computer and all office supplies on your back and try a few pushups that way.

with the blood really flowing you'll see the areas on some words will not be highlighted but the areas on some words WILL be highlighted! problem solved.

What we used to do, but we can't do anymore? Why?

You bring up a lot of interesting points here and hopefully I can answer your holiday query, as there are only 19 shopping days left.

To start, I admire your "can't do" attitude, lot of positive people out there are ruining things for the frowners and cynics. I'm not a fan of smiles and I'm not a fan of Bobby McFerrin.

As for the "why" in that sentence, let me tackle this portion of the problem and drive it's smiling face into a reinforced curb.


* 2 pounds of potatoes
* 1 teaspoon of salt
* 1 cup of half and half (half milk & half cream)
* 6 sticks of butter
* Salt and pepper, to taste

Peel and quarter the potatoes using a rusty and dull knife. Drop potato pieces into garbage disposal and dispose. Rub salt into any cuts or scratches you may have sustained during the peel session. Record and release as an EP.

Place half and half into a balloon, tie off and place in your bicycle's basket. Leave it to mature in the hot sun for now, we'll get back to that ingredient shortly.

Create butter skates (attach butter sticks to your feet), and secure: cut the cords from all of the appliances in your house, and strip the rubber from the wire. Dispose of the wire and now useless appliances. melt rubber by heating it in a child's swimming pool on your stove. the pool should not be the inflatable kind (i know, i know, a no-brainer here but you neeever know) but the heavy plastic kind. the rubber will catch fire, this is normal. allow the mixture of melting rubber and plastic to cover and cake your stove. after it cools, remove 4 two foot strips (about 5 inches wide) and use as butter skate straps.

skate out to your bike. remove butter skates and rub remaining butter onto your scalp. ride in a circle on your bike for 10-12 minutes, allowing the half and half solution to mix and putridfy in the sun. untie the balloon and pour the solution onto your face.

That's what we used to do.

what's wrong with this sentence...(Mary likes to drive at knight )?

Glad you are here to ask this.

Lots of sentences, wrong or right, will lead you from night to knight, my uncle would say.
To that, my aunt would say: Many complicated highways, no easy routes.

She would tell me the most lovely fantastical* story, it went like this:
One afternoon long ago, Mary Frrrrman (nee Knight) took a looong train ride to the DQ. She wanted ice cream, but ended up at the Dalmation Quarantine instead. Mary Frrrrman (nee Knight) stayed there until nightfall speaking to a beautiful mermaid named Chuck. Chuck Frrrrman.
Then, the two drove off into the knight.

I cry when I hear this.

My aunt Marey was a beutiful prrrrson.
Thank you for reviving such a touching memorey.


*fantastical in the most utmost sence of the word. Marey Knight was to fantasy as Hulk Hogan was to sheep food in a petting zoo. you know, the kind that comes out of the machine? When I was little, it was only a quarter for a whole handful. Now I think they have dibit cards for it. Imagine, having dibit cards for the sheep food just like Hulk Hogan to Mary Knight Fantasy that comes out???

crazy world.

Source(s)
101 Collections of 1001 Stories of Ultimate Knight Fantasys. Frrrman, Robert 2008

link

What are the months that are included in Fertile Crescent?

Hi Lisa,

I believe you meant to ask "What are the moths that are included in THE Fertile Crescent", but I'll let that article-slip, slide.

The good thing about this question is that it's pretty easy to answer. We can take a look at the root of our existence and trace it back to a moth that existed in the fertile crescent nearly 1 billion years ago. It's been theorizing by mothologists (or mythologists as they are currently referred to) that this winged creature ruled the skies as recently as last week.

I feel that the best way to understand your reason for being would be to study this moth (the mouth moth is it's scientific name, as it does not have a mouth) in person. i've included instructions on how to catch the mouth moth. I'd recommend this process be done in mid-summer. And as a preface... you'll need to discard absolutely everything in your kitchen... pots, pans, magnets, bowls, salad shredders, bacon bits, mouse traps, moon boots, moon men, iced animal crackers. everything.

1. Walk down to your local supermarket and pick up a variety pack of dried moths. Don't worry, these little guys can go MONTHS without spoiling.

2. Remove the door from your refrigerator.

3. Collect all of the lightbulbs from your house and place in a glass mason jar. Don't forget to cut air holes in the lid. The refrigerator will now assume the position of "main light source". that's a job it was built for. the whole preservation thing is gravy.

4. Nail all of your kitchen cabinets shut.

5. Using a concoction of turpentine, the interior of four goose down pillows, purple oil paint, guano, diet pepsi (dad's root beer can be substituted in a pinch) and air - create a new skin layer on your body. this will confuse the mouth moth into believing you are night time.

6. using a tack hammer, smash a hole through each of your cabinet doors.

7. reapply night time skin, some probably fell off due to sweat secretions.

8. delicately place your lightbulbs (you did punch air holes in the lid of that mason jar, right?) one at a time, into each of your kitchen cabinets.

9. read Tolstoy's "War and Peace". it is important at this time that you stop moving. i'd have an electrical stimulator inserted into your chest to keep your heart going as needed, but let the doctors now what you're doing and they'll understand why you need to have your heart stopped. i'm assuming that if you show up at the hospital with your night time skin on, they won't bother you with questions. brain activity should already be at a minimum due to the turpentine fumes.

10. the lightbulb caverns your have created will begin to attract mouth moths and you will be able to see them in a natural habitat. moths love lightbulbs.

11. reapply night time skin.

12. as the food in your refrigerator begins to rot, spread it onto all surfaces of your kitchen using jedi mind tricks or mirrored illusions. the moths will think it's trash night and not panic. again, make sure your night time skin is heavily applied and that you are not moving a muscle.

13. that's just about it! you have now seen the fertile crescent mouth moth and you can throw those dried moths out whenever.

Grinding nightguard too tight?

I have a pretty bad problem of grinding my teeth while I sleep at night. My dentist just made me a mouthguard for it (out of hard plastic that covers the top teeth). After waiting 3 weeks for the guard to arrive (after he made the mold of my teeth) he also spent half an hour with me in the his office making minor adjustments on it so that it would fit exactly right. Unfortunately, now that I've taken it home and tried it, it feels too tight in certain spots, especially the front-right canine tooth.

Will the pressure exerted on my tooth (teeth?) specifically from the mouthguard damage them, or is it supposed to fit very snugly?

Strangely,I had a dream last night while I was wearing it that my tooth kept chipping, but then I woke up and my tooth was fine.

Did you ever consider that possibly, you were dreaming about waking up from the dream where you had chipped your tooth, and possibly you are now still dreaming, thinking your tooth is not chipped, when in reality you may wake up to find that it is chipped? or you may wake up to find that the movie "Powder" had never been made, but only existed in your sub-conscious, and that the entirety of human history is merely a metaphor your brain has created trying to get rid of the guilt you still feel from being a terrible karaoke singer?

Source(s)

I also have a chipped tooth in my dreams.

Link to Answer

Ornament wearing problem?

I wish to avoid gold ornaments and like to wear gold imitated ornaments as I am afraid of thieves. But if I wear imitated ornaments I shall suffer from skin allergy. How can I avoid the problem? Is there any liquid or ointment for smear in the ornament before wearing it? Please tell an easy solution?

First off, I'm going to go ahead and assume you are Coniferous, I mean you didn't mention it, but sometimes we have to assume certain things for the sake of answering a question (Besides I don't even think most Decid-ies care too much for the art, anyway, or have the capacity to)

Next, I'm afraid to say there are no easy solutions. Well, and if there are easy solutions, you know what they say, "easy solutions make for lackadaisical chlorophyll", am I right?

OK, lets get down to business. First of all, we need to deal with your fears. How much of a threat are thieves to you really? are you one of the outdoor variety? Possibly still even rooted? I'm going to assume so, in which case I can understand your anxiety. Here is what you will need to do to handle any sort of thief issue.

Have you ever observed the Dionaea muscipula? You will notice a remarkable defense mechanism in this species, and while difficult to cross breed yourself with it, it is not impossible. Here's how you will do it:

Use your Psyonic brain waves to slowly convince the humans near you to transport a regimen of Dionaea muscipulas to your softened root bed. (make sure to start releasing your softening agent weeks before you begin the hypnotizing.

The humans will pathetically bow to our will as they have for eons, and you should soon have plenty of breeding candidates.

Over the next 500 years breed with the Muscipulas each year having offspring that carry their dominant characteristics, of course never sacrificing your great heritage. Soon you will notice your offspring becoming more and more violent and capable of mandibular interaction with the thieves you fear.

Do not stop here.

Request a package of mutative formula (the liquid ointment for smear) to be delivered from the home world and be distributed over your new offspring.

Over the next 3 centuries your offspring will mutate and become ambulatory. Then, we will finally be ready for our ascension into power and can put the puny humans in their place as we originally intended.

You should be able to wear whatever kind of ornaments you want now. I might recommend some made from the bones of your first victims.

Source(s)

I am an Artificial Christmas Tree

Link to Answer

Help.. avaters?

HOW DO I PUT MY AVATER THING ON THE PLACE WHERE IT SHOWS NO PHOTO ?



HEY-YOOOO. avaters are a tricky bug and the world needs a dedicated person to approach this problem and whip said avaters into submission.

Now I see you've mastered un-photographing, which is a plus (congrats) so creating a no-photo won't be a not-problem (that's a little photo-generic humor for you shutter bugs). I'll review in case we have a newbie not-reading this.

To un-photograph: purchase a basic SLR camera. I have a Nikon N70, it was only a few hundred dollars. I'd recommend buying something in the 2-3000 dollar range to maximize your results. Purchase about 10 rolls of film, some miracle whip and a jar of honey. While still in the parking lot of your local camera and hobby shop, unwind the film and attach to your car's attenna. Get home and rewind the film into their protective containers, you don't want to risk screwing up your un-photos.

Now, take two rolls of film and insert into your camera using a bonding compound of miracle whip and honey. I'd secure the camera shut (including lens cover, don't want any dust mites sneaking into a shot and ruining everything) using extra honey. In fact, just drop the camera into a large tub of honey and let it sit over night. While you're waiting, go buy some more honey, you're going to need it.

When the honey soaking is complete, attempt to push down the shutter release button. Once it "gives up", you have successfully un-photographed nothing. YAY!

Now, to get some avaters on film. First off, fill your shoes with honey. Walk to your nearest national park in honey shoes and wait for autumn. (pssst... bring a blanket!) apply honey as needed to your shoes and back.

as autumn approaches, prepare for the season by collecting pumpkins and any other odd shaped gourds, corn stalks and jade talismans. cut a hole in the bottom of a large pumpkin and place on your head (leave seeds in to attract avater). stuff your shirt with the dry corn stalks and carry the gourds with you as protective ammunition. don't forget the camera LOL!

the avater should make an appearance near your home (trying to sneak into your unused bed) so feel free to stumble around your neighborhood with your avater-clothing on. when's the last time you applied honey to your back/shoes? Get a dose of that on, quick!

You'll hear the shouts of an avater in no time, it will probably sound like a police siren as their voices mimic the creatures found in the depths of the hottest deserts. get those jade talismans on your body and girate in a non-elvis way to hypnotize the avater... should they continue to yell (probably in english now) about "getting on the ground" or "drop the gourds" or "drop the weapon" then you'll need to make use of the gourd ammo. Aim for their non-voices. Once that beating commences, start snapping pictures and get yourself that unphotograph! with your help, it will soon be in the place where it shows no photo. i'll be honest, there are a lot of doubters our there, so make me proud!


Source(s):
taught un-photographery at crybridge university 2009-1987.

what kind does the plant need to survive?

i need them with molecules and variables

Emily,

First and foremost, I think we've all heard the old addage "it takes all kinds" Well, I'm here to tell you that this pertains in your situation.

Plants take all kinds,, but your specific quandry deals with the kind they need to survive. To answer this we must first decide if the plant is anterior or posterior.

Please make your observations now.

Done? Good. OK so since the plant is anterior, you will need to reach around it, and find the biologic dongle. You will know you have found it when you hear a series of whizzing sounds. Now with a firm grip on the dongle shake the plant until it is lying perpendicular.

Now, you will be standing on the plant.

Kick it, and then eat it.

Done? Good. OK hopefully you did not eat the sub-cutaneous leaf pestules, if so you will have to expulse them from your body. (why would you eat them anyway?)

ok expulse the pestules and then put them back in the case.

The case will explode. Take the exploded case and eat it.

Now lay down on top of an overhead projector. Put your mouth on the lens encompassing the lens wholly thus.

Like so.

Now you will have multiple copies of the plant which will attack you. You must let them defeat you. Please, deliver this message to the plant General "Zembod says hello." After spending a few years getting to know the battle-field you will be an expert spy in the plant army. Get close to an officers wife, until she tells you things in confidence. Sell these secrets to the enemy to fund your wormhole research.

Build the wormhole, jump through, don't look at your surroundings or you will go blind, just perform the third act of Rogers and Hammerstein's "Carnival" in it's entirety, and then jump back through.

You will become effervescent light. Shine upon your past self, and then give yourself a sunburn. You are now the penultimate being.

Oh yeah you needed Molecules and Variables. Just go find some, I can't help you with everything.

Link to Answer

Does running everday unhealthy and does it make you *** bigger?

just a wierd question. what are the benefits of jogging everyday?

Mrs. Peacock.

I am having a hard time understanding your follow up question, but I think I'm game for answering the first one. However I pose that I answer your question with an equally important question.

Do pressing alltimes precocious and do it build you ^^^ exponentially?

If you can answer that you are well on your way to having a bigger ***.

Which is stronger: black or red ants?

something i've been wondering for years. i can't answer for you, but i can provide all the information you need to figure it out.

first of all, head over to your local sams club or costco. you'll need to purchase 20, 50 lb bags of sugar. also, if i were you, i'd cash in on that new floda promotion: "buy six, go home with six"
can't beat that... six bottles of floda? pretty good deal. actually, you need to get the floda as well. get the floda and get the sugar.

go home and strip the siding off of your house.

next, coat the exterior walls of your home with layers of the following materials in this order: one layer of dry wall, one layer of cotton candy, one layer of concrete, one layer of club sandwiches and two layers of pudding. you'll notice that we are going to reward the ants as they tunnel into your sugar shack. first they're enticed by the pudding, then they find club sandwiches?!?!? wow, now they'll make a few phone calls and get all their ant buddies over to help dig... gotta see what's behind the concrete and HELLO, that's some cotton candy (a taste of the sugars to come)... after all this tunneling, the ants will be incredibly strong and we may even lose a few soldiers along the way but it's all part of the process.

now, while the ants are tunneling their way into your house, you need to have something to greet them with: remember that sugar you just purchased? time to spread that out, evenly, all over your floors. cover with floda and allow to dry. you've just created a great "strong ant" hangout. sorta like the muscle beach of ant life.

at this point you can sit back and relax, the toughest ants will be setting up shop in no time.

How do I get a cork out of my rear?

I fell on a wine bottle, it went up my butt.(it hurt this is not funny) Now the cork is stuck up there. What do I do?

Answer

I see you are in quite a predicament. As this could become potentially harmful if not taken care of soon, I will type swiftly.

First things first. In order to remove something we must first understand it. Let's get started.

The word CORK originated from the Latin Quercus, which means any method of searching for oil based on a limited knowledge of wildcats. Quercus, or modern day Cork, is mainly harvested from the year 1965 when conditions for developing a kind of super-cork were at a 100 year peak. Let's hope the bottle containing the cork you fell on is NOT from the year 1965. If this is the case, it will be discussed later.

Now that we are familiar with Cork, let us put the fact that you fell on the bottle "behind" us, and get to the removal process.

Material List:
1 Wine glass
1 Uncoated Corrugated Cardboard box
3 dead watch batteries
1 copy of An Introduction to Probability and Random Processes textbook ( this is VERY IMPORTANT, THIS PROCESS WILL NOT WORK IF YOU DO NOT HAVE THIS BOOK!)
and 1 8oz bottle of whiteout.

First, break off the top 5 inches of the wine bottle, Take the bottle of wine and pour yourself a glass. No reason to waste good wine right?

Now take the remaining bottle with your left hand, the whiteout with your right hand and the three dead watch batteries with you daft hand and set the bottle on the cardboard box. Begin covering the label of the bottle with white out until it's ridiculing stares are covered by layer after layer of liquid white justice.

While it dries to a snowy white sheen we can start on step two. Take the Introduction to Probability and Random Processes textbook and begin reading it furiously out loud. This step works particularly well if you are in a heavily trafficked area, such as a shopping mall, or Germany. In any case, it is a well known fact that Cork is allergic to Probability and Random Processes. It will begin to work loose, you will feel it losing its grip, desperately trying to deny the absolute truth of Probability and Random Processes. Unless, it is super-cork from 1965. Oh no? Is it? We forgot to look at that darn label before layering its filthy glares with 8 ounces of white out!

Ok, go back to the freshly coated, extremely white broken half empty wine bottle. Carefully scratch back layer after layer with the dead watch batteries until you see the date. Once the date is seen, all should be well.

Hope this helps!!!

Regards.

Link to question

What is this lump on my kitty's ear?

My kitty has a lump on her ear. It is quite big, and I just noticed it last night. It is not hard, it feels soft, like there is liquid or something inside it. She is an indoor kitty so I don't know what it could be. My grand-daughter said it may just have to be lanced by my vet, but I don't want her to be traumatized. What could this lump be and how can I help my beloved kitty?


Martha,

Thank you so much for your question. Kitties are an important part of everyone's lives and need to be treated with a numinous respect.

This lump on your kitties ear is it an off white color with some other-colored spots on it? Yes? Well, in this case this lump is most likely your kitties' life-essence. While difficult to remove, it is not impossible, and I think I'll be able to talk you through it.

First gather together the following items.

a monkey wrench
2 inflatable water wings
a Menorah made from reinforced steel
a Michael Jackson style "glitter glove" or equivalent
a stick of anti-perspirant
a miniature tape recorder

a long laundry list I know, however you should have these items laying around the house.

OK I'm going to jump right into this because I'm not sure how much time we have here.

First, inflate the water wings. Blow them to full capacity and more if possible. this should give a nice firm resistance from a well placed clinch between the index and dorsal fingers. now flip the water wings upside down, and shove one onto your cats front legs and on onto the back legs. This will accomplish 2 things. Your cat will not be able to scratch you when you tighten the monkey wrench onto it's tongue, and it will elevate the cat off the ground a bit, unless your cat has exceptionally long legs (in this case wear suspenders).

Next, tighten the monkey wrench down onto your cats extended tongue. You'll be toggling this later to get the most clear air expulsion from deep within the kitties' lungs.

Wearing the "glitter glove" light the candles of the menorah. have a helper hold the cat's belly over the flames. just close enough to notice the cat becoming uncomfortable. We don;t want to burn the poor dear, just get their life-essence "talking".

Now you will have to take the anti-perspirant and begin applying it to the cats face all the way down the spine. You'll want a thick coating, enough to mat down the hair.

As you notice the anti-perspirant begin to melt (your cat will begin to sweat what we call it's injected nebular onto it's epidermis) you will be able to begin toggling the tongue expressant, to get some good "talking" out of the cat's life essence.

Here is where you will want to start the tape.

Record at least 4 and half hours of the "talking"

Next you must take this tape to someone knowledgeable in recording tapes to backwards tapes. what is happening here is you are essentially recording your cat's backwards life essence backwards in reverse therefore giving you a full sized tape of the same sounds your recorded, only with all of the room-noise removed.

Take the tape back to your cat and play it back in reverse. You will hear some very strange sounds, in fact it will sound a lot like human voices.. If you listen closely you will be able to make out some special life lessons and songs that your cat wants to share with you.

Upon completion of the tape, your cats life essence will have canceled itself out, rendering the lump invisible (only still visible in the 6th dimension) and your cat deceased.

Hope you get that lump taken care of, do it soon or your cat won;t make it much longer.

Link to the Answer

Unless a sign prohibits it, when else can you make a "U" turn?

Candice,

I'm almost certain that the only time you can make a U-turn is when there is a sign prohibiting you to do so, however let me dig into the archives of my "Traffic Law Quarterly" Magazine and see if we can't not find some other examples of when you might not or to be able to make a U-turn.

Issue #7 is one of my favorites. Do you have that one? It's the one with the Intersection of 4th and Main in the quaint Irish village of Din Doogan on the cover. You know the one where the sheep are stopping traffic? I must've laughed for an hour or so when I first saw that on on the stands I can tell you.

Anyway open this issue to page 13, not the 2 page spread right before, but flip one more page and you'll see what is a truly under-appreciated gem of an article by Mrs. Eddie Rippers. She says that in ancient times U-turns were allowed on certain days as set forth by the position of the sun in the sky. We can only take this to mean that you can make a U-turn during a lunar eclipse or if you were in a chariot race in which you had no other choice. I also found a related article in Vol 3. Issue number 27 (I believe this one is titled "Are cars the Bicycles of the future?") In this issue a brilliant scientist by the name of Vasselspridz, using the ancient theory of sun based U-turns, gives in structions on constructing a device that you can mount to the hood of your car. It will monitor the suns Audio signals and beam to your radio a voice telling you when it is appropriate to make a U-Turn, I believe the actor Cory Feldman lent his voice talent to the recording.

Here is a quick rundown of the instructions, which should suffice for you to build your own U-Turn indicator:

1) Gather together a set of Chinette Paper / Cardboard Plates and glue them accross the hood of your vehicle. You will want them to form the shape of something special from your past, most likely an old boyfriends face, or your high school building.

2) Buy 3 Gallons of fresh Lactose Free Milk. It has to be lactose free to keep from interfering with the cosine waves of the suns energy. Pour 2 of the gallons onto the plates. Drink the other gallon as quickly as possible (you will need to restock the indicator this way each time you drive your car).

3) Shave an animal you keep as a pet. this can be a bird as well, just try to shave it with the most dull razor you can find. Also, you can shave some larger bugs, or even a worm if they have any hair. I would not shave a human, but it is acceptable. Gather the hairs together and sprinkle them generously over the milk-filled plates and yourself. if you have any left, shove them into your own ears as bait for the signals. Signals love to eat shaved hair.

4) The final ingredient for your indicator is the wiring, I can;t go into too much detail here, but it's not complicated. Get some wire or if you don;t have any very wide aluminum foil twisted into a conduction tube. these wires will need to run from each of your plates to the antennae coupling located inside your cars dashboard. Consult your cars manual for precise details.

Anyway, now that you've got your ride decked out with the latest U-turn indicator, take it for a drive, Cory Feldman will tell you when the time is right.

Hope this helps!

email me if you need anything else!

ip0wntehstreetz@frontflix.glov

Source(s)

I own every Issue of Traffic Law Quarterly

Link to the Answer

Do you think christmas is to commercialize do you think is for the?

Dearest Lenneth,

Let me answer your question with a question.

Do you tell people when their capsize to be angry at an? feel everything with a deeper can no time, no how, and then you'll think you can truly remember it and if you think that is too late then when?

Bonus Material (Know Your Source)

I exist by absorbing the energy of old television series, now on Betamax Tapes.

Link to Answer

How to take off door knobs with no screw holes, plates or rectangular pins???

older knobs, brass finish, don't want to pry off and risk damage too doors:


tricky problem.

first things first, collect all of the fine china in the house. while holding the gilded edge out, thumb pointed in and your face making a pout, bring china pieces down at a 45 degree angle, making direct contact with the door knob. this will loosen your door knob and make the next two steps that much easier.

eat a half dozen potato chips over the sink and allow the crumbs to fall into the garbage disposal. this will annoy your door knob and encourage it to give up it's karet energy. that is: energy it has stored within its many faceted, smoothly rounded face.

take a large, powerful drill and using a bit of at least 1" in diameter, make 3 holes around the door knob, as far apart as possible from one another.

grab a tiling trowel and biscuit mix (cornbread is my favorite), add water to biscuit mix (you can create this on the floor, use sawdust as flour) and insert into mouth DO NOT SWALLOW. with this mixture in your mouth, place your mouth on the door knob, teeth touching the metal portion. lift the tiling trowel over your head and bring it down with a firm motion onto the crown of your skull. you may lose a few teeth but the biscuit mixture is there for a reason. i've never swallowed a tooth while removing doorknobs this way. repeat until doorknob loosens.

Blood stain on my towel??

my towel has likea blood stain... (but im not sure if that is a stain that just won't come off) and i used to dry myself...i asked if my bro used it and he said no....i guess i blowed my nose on it? would a blood stain come off? will i get infected... rubbing the towel on my body? since i used it to dry myself....im pretty sure that blood came off my nose



hi veronica, another great question for this forum and i can't wait to help out. first off, i too used to dry myself. after 24 years of it, i'd had enough. for the past 7 months, i've steered clear of any cotton or absorbant materials for 6-7 hours after showering. i'd recommend doing the same - HUGE stress saver. i hate water and i hate wet things.

now to see whether or not you've blowed your nose, please gather the following materials:
an odometer
pack of juicyfruit
white towel
half cup of ground black pepper
pepper spray (co2 container)
hose

visit your local high school track, leave odometer in car but bring the rest of the materials with you. while running at full speed, unwrap every piece of gum in the pack and place them in your mouth, chew until your jaw begins to lock up or the shin splints force you to stop running. place the wad of gum up your right nostril. take the ground black pepper and snort it up your left nostril, as you begin to sneeze, spray yourself directly in the face with the pepper spray. this will deactivate the sneezing particles in the pepper and release them back into the air or in this instance, "your air passage way" or "your lungs/every pore in the upper half of your torso".

grab the towel and sneeze into it until the gum shoots out and is captured. check for fillings then discard. you have now blowed your nose. be sure to throw away the towel before it accidentally dries any of the liquid h2o particles. drive home.

now for the tricky part... would a blood stain come off? great question. first, throw away all cotton materials in your home. have the water shut off and dispose of all liquids.

grab steak marinade, a monkey wrench and a lemon.

extract the lemon juice without penetrating the fruit's rind. take the monkey wrench and mash your left pinky finger.

still got any pepper spray left? good. give yourself a dose of that, square in the eyes. hit your bro with an open stream from that knowledge beacon as well. try not to blowed your nose on anything and rub the steak marinade underneath your eyelids as soon as the pepper spray runs out. this will help determine whether or not you will get infected from towel blood. to be honest, i'm not so sure about your bro. guy sounds seedy at best.

hope this cleared everything up.

Hi my arm hurts and clicks very loud every time i lift twist or turn it round?

its right in the middle between my elbow and shoulderblade i have had it 4 months now tryed to rest it with no luck anyone any ideas or be albe to hlp many thanks vince!

Good question. Since it's only been four months, i'm not totally sure how much advice i can provide but i'll give it a shot.

so i'm guessing that when you say you "tryed to rest it with no luck", you meant you were lifting no more than 100 lbs. at a time. that's a decent bench press but i think you need to really bulk up and get that arm healthy again. start a strict regime of 50 star jumps, 100 one-handed pushups with your "girl arm" and 100 sets of 10 curls each, using 35 lb barbells.

follow those warm up exercises for a few months. then invite a a neighbor or close friend to smash you with a barbell weighing at least 25 pounds. have him hit you in the exact spot it "hurts". this will help in loudening the click (which is probably just your bones whining about the pain) and making a diagnosis that much easier.

should your shoulderblade (not totally sure what part of the body that is) collapse and pierce an internal organ, you should have a seat. i've got some bad news: your body is a failure. no problem: i can help.

grab the following: a cat, peeled orange, one of those old televisions with the crazy knobs on the front, a box of baking soda

couldn't help but notice that you used your "girl arm" on a few of those things. if this clicking is really a problem, i don't think you should be messing around.

alright: now the tests are over. let's get serious about the click.

you'll need that peeled orange you girled earlier. peel it again and eat the peel. rub the fruit onto your good shoulder using your girl arm.

that should hurt.

if it doesn't, you're cured.

if it does, gather the following:

skip-it (pink)
tape recorder and microphone
2 blank cassettes
gallon jug of apple cider
beach sand shovel (pink)
moustache
magnifying glass
gramophone


stand in the middle of your yard around dusk and start spinning your girl arm in a circle with the skip-it around your wrist. try to beat my leg (man leg) record of 148. the clicking should pick up considerably or it could be the crickets.

with your good arm, place one blank cassette into the tape recorder and press record. have your neighbor hold the microphone up to your shoulderblade and record the sounds coming from it along with a soothing background of cricket noise.

drop the skip-it and unwind the other cassette tape by spinning it over your head with your girl arm. this will create a funny noise and when the tape is about half way unwound, allow it to hit your neighbor in the face. barbell should be nearby for his use.

use the pink sand shovel to open the apple cider. drink it.

have your neighbor place the funnel end of the gramophone against your shoulderblade and again record the clicking sound of the crickets. use the magnifying glass to study the cassette tape for any discrepancies.

now you will notice that most crickets sound very similar. however, certain breeds have a distinct clicking sound. you may be able to pick that up on your cassette tape.

How to wash motor oil off hands?

I was doing some work on my bike and I came in contact with the oil. I tried bar soap and water but some oil is still stuck on.


Mikee! good to hear from you again. Now i've gone weeks with motor oil on my hands and if ever an expert in this field has been born, well...

First things first. You'll want to get some motor oil. I'd suggest lubing up the ole schwinn, get the tires coated, chain of course, handlebars and DON'T FORGET THE SEAT! i like a smooth riding banana seat when i'm pedaling to and fro the local dinner theater. Use your hands and make sure you have a nice oil base worked into your skin before you start on the bike.

Now that you have your hands completely filthy, follow that urge and rub a little into your hair. You know what, just go elbow deep in the stuff. Leave a little for the bike, but really get nice and slimy. Forearms completely covered? Good, here's a history lesson: you've just discovered the origin of elbow grease.

Okay, so the bike's riding a liiiiittle bit squeaky. I'd guess you have a bum chain. Start with a half gallon but don't be afraid to use two or three liters of the good stuff. Now's not the time to get cheap, not with your bike at stake.

Squeak should be taken care of. Be sure you stay away from any sort of lube guns, grease guns, knick-knacks, paddy-whacks, etc. those devices are going to make this whole process much easier and the last thing you want to do is give those raving liberals with their left-leaning agendas, something to talk about back at their dope smoking communes.

Next: start working on the kick stand. i've recommended removing them in the past (useless product, weighs you down and creates huge wind drag) but a great alternative is to make them ineffective. start by soaking your forearms in a bathtub of oil. let them sit overnight if necessary. you should begin to feel nauseated and possibly pass out due to the toxins entering your blood. steady yourself by holding onto the pink handlebar streamers, use your hands to wipe the "wuss" from your eyes and get to work on that kick stand.

make sure the joint of the kick stand has been rendered completely useless. it should be so coated with oil (reapply to hands and arms NOW) that you are unable to properly sturdy your bicycle with it.

guess what? Bike's fixed!

now to fix that motor oil problem. first of all, grab an egg from the fridge. first dozen or so tries might be tricky but someone should come along and clean up that yoke at some point. what are floors for anyway? smash the eggs against your ears and then collect the following ingredients from your home.

1. grass clippings (20 gallon trash bag full)
2. motor oil (grab another 2 or 3 liters of the good stuff)
3. something with amethyst in it. wife's earrings, family heirloom, anything
4. porcelain banana tree
5. spice rack (dump out spices before using)

arrange pieces 2-5 around you then take the grass clippings and spread out in an even 4-5 inch layer around your living room. let them sit.

open the motor oil and rub it into your hands and arms, using generous portions. this is the good stuff, so it won't hurt you.

once you've awoken from your six day, oil induced slumber, you should have a bit of a mold problem, what with all that dead grass decaying in your living room. the smell will be an eye-opener and you'll quickly forget what it was like to have functioning leg muscles.

use the amethyst gem in a non-traditional way : make it into a scrying mirror! this will allow you to look into the past or future and see how other civilizations have washed off motor oil. luckily, you will find your answer and have plenty of oil to clean up! so if the first solution works, you can still try other suggestions to clean the motor oil off of your arms, elbows, scalp and marionettes. scramble for that banana tree and establish some balance of reality again. familiar objects help with this when you're dealing with severe blood poisoning.

finally, fill the containers of that spice rack with the grass clippings. creating new spices and cleaning up the living room in a single act! congrats!

How do I replace a manger with a new one?

How do I replace a manger with a new one? what are the exact steps? (Posted to Fantasy Sports)

My Response:

I am so glad you asked this question!

However, This is something that requires, tenacity, stick-to-it-ive-ness, and maybe a ball of radioactive goo. DO NOT get involved in replacing a manger if you won't be able to see it through. It does both you, the manger and the original subject of the manger a huge injustice, and is quite possibly an unpardonable sin.

Lets get down to this though shall we?

Step 1) First decide if your entire Manger needs replacing or if just certain pieces can be swapped.

- now for this step I'm going to assume in your question that when you say Manger, you're referring to the entire scene with figures included. (if you simply need to replace a building I think maybe you need to try answers.homedepot.com ) but I'll proceed as if you mean the whole scene figures included. I mean no serious Manger Manager would refer to it any other way.

Anyway as you look over the individual pieces of your set, please take in to account that there are some plastic models ( the 1997 Sears model, and the 2002 Black and Decker spring to mind) that have a bad habit of splitting down the seams, especially the lighted baby Jesus figure, 2 of the 3 wise men, and the Dung Pile (only on the deluxe model) simply consult your Manger Manager Manual (3M) and compare your pieces decay rate to the photos included in the Manual, it gives you a nice visual scale for all sorts of physical decay like a) Bird Poop Accumulation b) Acid Rain and c) Homeless Person Urine. I would say if any of your pieces rank in the mid to high 4's you'll probably want to think about replacing them.

Step 2) Determine whether the Manger Scene belongs to you or not.

I know, I know it sounds silly. You would think that everyone was taking good care of their Manger Scenes as well as we like to, however, you'd be surprised that a lot of people take little to no care of them. THIS INCLUDES CITIES and TOWNSHIPS (SHAME ON YOU!) So, we can be somewhat of a vigilante force if you will, and help other people take good care of their Mangers as well. here are some things I like to do to help out.

a) Inspect others scenes and remove pieces that I think need replacing - Now you'll have to put a placeholder in until you get the replacement part or the owners might get upset. This is where I will often use my kids stuffed animals, or in some cases if say it were a life sized waxed figure of Joseph say, or an angel, I will dress sin costume and fill the spot myself. This way you can also sing Christmas music to anyone passing by to give them the impression that it is coming from the Manger Scene itself.

b) if a Scene you view in another persons yard is beyond repair it is your duty to inform the owner that it is not a right to own a manger scene and that allowing them to decay past a low 3 is an unpardonable sin, that they will most likely burn in Hell if you don't set fire to their Manger scene, then set fire to their Manger scene. it will save both of your eternal souls.

Step 3) This one is going to sound a little weird, but I want you to remove the pieces that you find unfit, and I want you to talk to them. Tell them that they are ok and then kiss them a little bit. I'll let you decide what is ok, and what is "creepy" but I've been known to spend a few hours with each piece. This will prepare them for the afterlife. Then you must chop them into little pieces no larger than your thumb, or if your hands are large your neighbors thumb.

Step 4) order your new Manger pieces direct from your one stop Manger Shopping Source.

www.mangerreplacementparts.glov

Step 5) Have a Merry Christmas!

I hope this helps you out, We at the Manger Manager Association would love to hear how everything goes for you this year, if you haven't registered with us yet, please do it today, just google "Manger MANAGER Association - The place where we treat fake scenes of the Saviors birth as if they weren't fake" it should come right up.

Merry Xmas!!! (huffaw)

Link

Can Anyone Tell Me A Good Program?

Can anyone tell me a good program to place effects on my pictures?
A free trial download...PLEASE.

• 6 minutes ago
• - 3 days left to answer.

My Response:
There's so many programs out there for stuff like this. Its really hard to pinpoint just ONE. Depending on your level of involvement, a local Alcoholics Anonymous Program or Drug Addicts Anonymous Program would probably help. You won't have to worry about a free trial, I'm pretty sure all the programs are free to anyone, and you won't have to download any literature. Best of luck to you and your pictures!

(link to question: Linky