Ornament wearing problem?

I wish to avoid gold ornaments and like to wear gold imitated ornaments as I am afraid of thieves. But if I wear imitated ornaments I shall suffer from skin allergy. How can I avoid the problem? Is there any liquid or ointment for smear in the ornament before wearing it? Please tell an easy solution?

First off, I'm going to go ahead and assume you are Coniferous, I mean you didn't mention it, but sometimes we have to assume certain things for the sake of answering a question (Besides I don't even think most Decid-ies care too much for the art, anyway, or have the capacity to)

Next, I'm afraid to say there are no easy solutions. Well, and if there are easy solutions, you know what they say, "easy solutions make for lackadaisical chlorophyll", am I right?

OK, lets get down to business. First of all, we need to deal with your fears. How much of a threat are thieves to you really? are you one of the outdoor variety? Possibly still even rooted? I'm going to assume so, in which case I can understand your anxiety. Here is what you will need to do to handle any sort of thief issue.

Have you ever observed the Dionaea muscipula? You will notice a remarkable defense mechanism in this species, and while difficult to cross breed yourself with it, it is not impossible. Here's how you will do it:

Use your Psyonic brain waves to slowly convince the humans near you to transport a regimen of Dionaea muscipulas to your softened root bed. (make sure to start releasing your softening agent weeks before you begin the hypnotizing.

The humans will pathetically bow to our will as they have for eons, and you should soon have plenty of breeding candidates.

Over the next 500 years breed with the Muscipulas each year having offspring that carry their dominant characteristics, of course never sacrificing your great heritage. Soon you will notice your offspring becoming more and more violent and capable of mandibular interaction with the thieves you fear.

Do not stop here.

Request a package of mutative formula (the liquid ointment for smear) to be delivered from the home world and be distributed over your new offspring.

Over the next 3 centuries your offspring will mutate and become ambulatory. Then, we will finally be ready for our ascension into power and can put the puny humans in their place as we originally intended.

You should be able to wear whatever kind of ornaments you want now. I might recommend some made from the bones of your first victims.

Source(s)

I am an Artificial Christmas Tree

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