I Regularly Misspell My Own Name... Regularly

We've gotten a lot of complaints here at Yahoodwinked (now a top ten most visited site as ranked by google patrons searching for the phrase "yahoodwinked"), visitors come to our blog and "don't understand what it is." Well, we have only one stance on this issue. "We can't tell you anything without your name, address and mother's maiden name sent to us in email." Seriously though, go to answers.yahoo.com... do it, now! See all the silly questions? Well we write fitting responses and think it is funny. You should too.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

how can me know the promotion code at second life?

Two issues at play here, the first is free shipping and the second is mortality.

So I'll assume you've fitted yourself into a suitcase with a lifetime of Slim Jims and Hi-C. Now you're asking yourself "How am I going to enter my second life without paying for shipping?".

Let's start checking off the obvious...
1. Are you still alive? yes, so we have some time to figure this out.
2. Have you left all of your financial documents out in the open where someone would be able to easily "bequeath" your savings into their Crubidoe investment fund? no, well i'll give you a few hours to place all bank statements and financial transactions near an open... nope, actually just make sure that window is closed (i'll get in) bc i don't want those documents getting into the wrong hands.
3. have you signed up for the second life email list? yes. okay, and you haven't received a confirmation email regarding free shipping into the afterlife/second life? wow. well, i'd probably ring the ole man upstairs about this... someone (i got a guy named peter, here's hoping you have some better luck) will probably answer, just immediately ask for their manager and do that four more times as each "manager" comes to the phone... the fifth level of "upstairs" is probably as close to the ole man as you're going to get via a phone call so deal with that guy and see if they can re-add you to the list or maybe they'll throw in some free gifts or something. At least have them comp you for your time.

and that should be about it.

One final bit of advice from someone who's worked this scam to a T... have a friend lock the suitcase shut. This will avoid any opt-outs or last minute order cancellations.

The universe is a haunted house. We're all just squeaky doors.

it is saying my postal code is not found in country selected...what do I do?

I have literally tried everyone's zip code I know and none work...isn't this the postal zip code? And why wouldn't it work?

Good citizen never fear, the Philanthropic Avenger is here!

Tired of being rejected by "It" on a constantly repeating basis?

Have you literally tried putting everything of something you know into "It" and none work?

Isn't this the postal zip code?

Well then do I have something for YOU!

Yes folks, for a limited time, get your very own "Try everything in it until something is right" device! If you ever find yourself constantly trying something and it keeps not working, then this is the product for you.

The "Try everything in it until something is right" device or the T(eii)USIR for short is your best advocate in helping try things from aardvarks to Zimbabwe. The T(eii)USIR has built in thermo-intelligence sensors that will literally scan it and diagnose what might be the best fit! No more need for you to discern what country you selected and what postal code might be necessary, or even for you to look at what you are doing any longer! For anything!

Simply keep your T(eii)USIR close at hand. and let the magic happen. In moments you will wonder how you ever lived without it!

Let's take your case specifically for example (just to prove this isn't a spam message)

Dear (name),

We see you've been having trouble with it again. Well, let's take a minute to see how T(eii)USIR can help in this situation. Simply hold T(eii)USIR up to (place where help is needed) YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN a VIOLA! T(eii)USIR's patented space age thermo-intelligence sensory equipment goes right to work diagnosing the issue at hand, it will then query it's database of over 100 items to best determine what is the right fit for the job. But wait! There's more! Other handheld thermonuclear scanning / querying devices simply diagnose the issue, leaving you to go do the dirty work of finding and Aardvark or a Zimbabwe to actually plug into it. Well I'm happy to tell you those days are over! the T(eii)USIR cn literally produce (through the wonders of it's internal dot matrix printer) realistic facsimilies(TM) of any of it's over 100 items! Just check out this partial list of everything you'l be able to plug in!

Aardvark
Left Hand
Right Hand
Scallions
Skull
Postal Zip Code
Letters F-M
Zimbabwe
Plant
Henry Ford's Face
An Elf
Chicken Soup
Half a Lemon
ANDMORE!!!!

Order today and we'll also throw in a second floppy disk full of over 50 more items to add to T(eii)USIR's exhaustive database!

So, my friend, does this sound too good to be true? IT IS! but don't let that stop you! Stop trying everyones everything of something you know! let T(eii)USIR do the hard work for you!

But wait, you're thinking that you're going to buy this amazing product (you are?) and you will use it once to find the right postal code for the country selected and then it will sit around on your shelf for years collecting dust!

WELL DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER THINK COMING!

Having a hard time figuring out which key is the right one for your apartment door? Don't worry T(eii)USIR is the perfect fit for any problem where you don't know what to put into something!

Need to know which arm goes in which sleeve on your shirt? T(eii)USIR to the rescue!

Having trouble choosing a presidential candidate? Need to know which stocks to invest in? Work in the factory where they make the game Perfection(TM)? Girl Trouble?

T(eii)USIR IS HERE TO IMPROVE YOUR QUALITY OF LIFE! CALL TODAY!

Disclaimer: Even the T(eii)USIR has a hard time finding the right places for the pieces in Perfection, please use with caution tempered with patience. Additional floppy disk required for "Girl Trouble" application.

n 1: the state of being without a flaw or defect [syn: flawlessness
ne plus ultra] [ant: imperfection]