Why is there a clicking in my jaw?

Hello, in the past half hour, I have noticed a "clicking" noise has been coming from my jaw. It doesn't hurt or anything, it just clicks. I tried to see what it was on google but it kept on saying things about TMJ/TMD. I've read some things about it, but it doesn't seem like I have any of the symptoms. Does anyone know what this is? Thanks in advance

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Source(s):

WebMd.glov webmaster.

Free HMO

Sleep dentistry advice needed?

Ok i have a phobia of dentist as you have probably gathered from my other questions. I am strongly considering sleep dentistry as an option to have all my fillings done and teeth whitened etc. Has anyone had sleep dentistry? Was it good? and can you give me a rough cost in Pounds for the UK please?

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tally ho from across the pond.

i've been a practicing sleep dentist for about six lawsuits now, and i can probably give you a rough idea of how "enameled" (some dental humour [i used a "u" so you'd understand what i was saying]) you will be by the procedure.

fillings: i typically stay up for six-eight days before scheduling a filling... by the time i get you in the room, the cement mixer has backed up to the window and the ole concrete is halfway down the slide... i'll be out like a light but you would just need to hop in the chair and open your mouth... takes care of itself!

teeth whiting: the trick here is falling asleep without moving the belt sander, i've "shourtened" a few lip lines but after some practice it's definitely something i can do in my sleep. one note: you'll need to wake me up to change the paper grit! i'm not a light sleeper, sou you'll need to really hit me without bumping the sander off of your teeth. i typically stay awake for 17 days... this way, i'm almoust asleep before you even arrive... once the white noise of a belt sander starts up, i just make sure my weight (14 stone if you was woundering) is going to fall forward onto your front teeth and presto-chango I'm ASLEEP! it's tough to adjust pressure when you're one or two paces from absolute comatose, so i (and any good sleep dentist) has knocked out a few front teeth during this procedure... but trust me when i say that partials are a rich man's teeth.

the cost is usually less than a pound of enamel, often more than a pound of flesh and you'll lose two or three pounds in sweat... i call it the "sleep diet"!

Source(s):

"it's like someone took a tiny hammer and chiseled right through my tooth while using aluminum foil as an anesthetic." --that's a quote from a patient (i did the wourk in my SLEEP!)

What do the put on potatoes to prevent potatoes from growing eyes and going bad? ?

it is a type of gas or spray , and they last from october until july

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i will answer quickly to avoid returning to the past time of time. i just disappeared... here i am!

when rudolph said " don't go growing any eyes" i think he meant that as a fraction. as usual, jimmy and squiggy put the damage on. they went bad.

here i am!

once i was lasting back in time. today was the year before and i saw my mother eating a potato made out of yams. she was a gas and i was the universe exploding on my elbow (in a pan).

did you... here i am!

it's the spraying that got me... now i'm all eyes... gone idaho, and not a drop to drink.

who here likes chocolate? i'm lasting from the past... hopefully this year it's from december to january and i'm a gas again. big bang!

here i am!

Source(s):

you wouldn't hit a guy with 75 pairs of glasses, would you?

(link)

Lazer tag? Im Alpharetta, Ga?

where is a place in ALpharetta, Ga that has Lazer Tag!?

Hello small city on the state of Georgia. I know this whole process must be quite foreign to you, as I believe you are the first city to ever successfully 1) connect to the internet as a single entity, and 2) successfully create a yahoo account!

Congratulations! the boys in Washington will be so proud of you, however, do not be surprised if they end up running some kind of painful tests on you to try and determine from where this sentient behavior stems. More than likely they will run the half a lemon test, which I can tell you is excruciating to humans and therefore we'll assume to entire cities as well (I mean you are what you eat, and just to make this clear I'll use an analogy, where you fill in the blank. Humans are to small ant cities what human cities are to _________ right... humans.)

O.K. so the problem here is that you are looking for some form of laser tagging system within your own self. A "place" that has one, to be specific.

I think to help you I may need to carry our Humans / Small Cities of Ants analogy a little further.

I named my ant city "Fargo, North Dacloset" because I think that's cute. Also, most of the ant sized costumes I had were for cold climates and I didn't want the ants to swelter in the Georgia heat. Also, the city is in my closet, I think even on the Northern side of it, but it's really skinny so it is hard to tell.

o.k. so, on a normal day in Fargo I will get up and walk into my closet and shake the ant "farm" case really hard, just to make sure they have something to do the rest of the day. I then spend the next few hours dressing them in new work uniforms and trying to glue them into place in the areas I think they will look the best for other ants that might decide to visit our fine city for a bout of tourism or a local festival (the spring catillion is nice).

There are no farmer costumes I repeat, NO FARMER costumes, and I resent the ones who name these apparatus. I scratch off the "farm" part, and break off the little silos (they are fake by the way, just warning you, just like everything else that they package in)

After getting the town set up for another day (it's exhausting, so I can see why you are turning to the internet for some kind of respite) I let the little ants try to survive, while pouring water all over them (you might think of it as your rain), scorching them with the sun (this is the actual sun, I couldn't find an analogy for that), and also unleash Mr. finger on them, which would probably be best likened to your Mayor.

I figured that to best help you with this question, that I would try finding the Laser Tag inside of the city of Fargo, and then it would probably be the same place that the one exists inside of you.

I started by gluing the ant "farm" to my own face. This was fine until by no small accident the lid was removed. I could see all of the costumed ants starting to wiggle free from their glue bonds, but my glue bonds had begun to set up completely.

I then felt that our analogy (you being a city that had eaten the humans inside of it, then contacting those humans by means of their technology, or your own brain waves) was close enough, and so I began trying to get an account to use the ant internet. however, after posting a question to the human internet about how I should best set up this analogy and finally getting an answer, I realized that I had sold myself short and needed to take it "all the way" so to speak.

I dumped all of the ant people and sand out onto a plate and began licking them up. I removed some of the construction workers helmets first as I thought they might be tough to choke down, and I figured there would be stores inside of me for them to buy new helmets from.

All in all everything went down well, and I was really starting to feel how you must feel. I became the ant city!!!

I started to concentrate on my own brain waves and after a few weeks of meditation was able to get onto the ant internet and even sign up for ant yahoo. I posted the question about Laser Tag, and then things started to get really weird...

You may have actually noticed yourself, and I'm sure Georgia, has noticed one level up on the Georgian cities internet, and then North America has noticed on the States internet etc. etc.

But the ants ended up doing the same thing the other way on the spectrum eating a city of molecules and posting the Laser Tag question on their internet, and so on and so forth.

We've created an infinite posting of this question that stretches to the the internet that exists where absolutely nothing exists, and also to the internet of the Creator of all things. We must somehow transcend what we have created, to find the answer, but then will we really need it?

Source(s):

The source of all things, and also of nothing.

an advise pliz.is piglet a weired nickname? i think it's not.?

By all means, call your weir Piglet. Some call their weir Matt or Crump but they are just being common and predictable.

But I have to ask.. How did you acquire your weir?

Are you a hydrologist by chance?

How fascinating. Flood risk assessment and damming must make you feel quite god-like.

So, just a few questions for the budding hydrologist…

Do I need to build that boat?
If so, I only have one cat, should I find it a mate?
And, I’m allergic to doves, how will I know when to dock my boat?

Not a hydrologist?

Do you just have a passing interest in rivers?
I know discussions of ‘rate of flow’ and ‘lock availability’ have been known to turn a head or two.

Or do you just hate fish? I mean, who doesn’t know that weirs can halt migrating fish?
And I know you must find it as amusing as I do to watch the fish try and climb those ladders.

No matter how you became interested in weirs, you should know, name choice is not a concern. Sharp crested, proportional, piglet… It’s all the same in the weired world.

Source(s)

'Weir'ed universe

Question about after 35 pregnancies...?

So, they say that the risks of pregnancy (especially for Down Syndrome) are much greater after the age of 35.

My question is this... Is that only for first-time moms, or does the research support the same findings for people who already have kids?

First off, I just want to commend you. Your first Question was labeled "Question", wasn't a question at all and ended in ellipses points. This is the kind of thing that keeps people guessing.

Second, you wait until after making another statement attributed to the ever-elusive "them" before finally asking your actual question. I can see how you have had the patients (pashenz?) to raise 35 children. Some of us however have lives to get back to so let's talk about this and move on.

I don't really think it matters what age you actually are, I did the math and figured out that if you have 35 children you have to be at least 315 years old, so... let's just assume that you are and leave it at that. I would imagine you are probably a little older, but you know what "they" say after 300; who's counting?

O.k. so now that we have that all important fact out of the way, let's move on to answering your question. You stated that your question was this:

"Is that only for first-time moms, or does the research support the same findings for people who already have kids?"

My answer is this:

That is a pronoun, used to indicate a person, thing, idea, state, event, time, remark, etc., as pointed out or present, mentioned before, supposed to be understood, or by way of emphasis.

Does that help at all? They seem to think it does.

Source(s): I have been re-born around 35 times.

push em out, push em out, way out.

My ipod got a little wet?

Here's what happened... I was watering some flowers in above 90 degree weather listening to my ipod. I sprayed some water on myself (not a lot) and then figured I shouldn't let my ipod get wet. It worked for about 1 minute then turned off. What do I do now?

There are a couple of things to do.

First… Go dry off. Right now. You’ll catch a chill and with your Ipod not working you don’t want to be laid up in bed with no tunes. And if you have no tunes you’ll be stuck watching daytime soap operas or children’s shows. If that happens, keep an eye out for the pool boy on that one show. He’s his sister’s nephew’s best friend’s uncles ex butler. And he has a candlestick in the parlour.

Once you recover from your chill episode… Quit watering the flowers. They get dependant on this ‘water’ and next thing you know, it’s a full blown habit. Trust me, stop now. They’ll thank you for it in the long run.

And as for this accidental watering of yourself... Tsk tsk. That’s how that water gets you hooked. First a sip, then an ‘accidental’ spray, then full fledged frolicking in the garden. Soon you’ll be wallowing in Jacuzzi’s and sipping designer water from some place in France. Break the cycle. You can do it. I have every faith in you.

Third. Well. What do you do now? I’d have to suggest, turning the Ipod back on.

You’ll never know if it works unless you do this. Go on. Try it. Just make sure it’s not in sleep mode. Nothing likes to be disturbed while it’s in sleep mode. It could be dreaming of the pool boy… In that one show.

Source(s):

That one show

How do I tell if I have a food pest infestaiont?

I am packing to move and had two moths fly out of one of the boxes. I caught one but the other escaped me. They were both small moths, about the size of my baby finger nail. What steps should I take to prevent an infestation???



I'm glad to see you caught one of the moths. Trying to pack those moths is like trying to herd cats, isn't it? But thats the joy of owning moths. If you owned ladybugs, well thats a different kettle of fish. And when fish escape... wowee, not a pretty sight at all. All that flopping around? Exhausting I tell you. Last time my fish escaped I swear I pulled my back out trying to flop around and convince the fish to hop back in its bowl and quit playing silly buggers. But I digress... and if I continue to digress you'll lose that poor moth.
Okay, Moth catching 101.

If you are still packing, thats great. Moths love packing peanuts. Just scatter the packing peanuts around along with empty boxes and the missing moth will return in approximately 15 minutes. Maybe 35 minutes if the peanuts are green. The green packing peanuts confuse the moth and it may instead look for a syrofoam cup. Bubble paper is good to have on hand too. Popping those bubbles is a fabulous way to pass the time while waiting for the moth to come back. And with all the bubbles popped you can fit more glassware in the cardboard box. The bubbles always take up so much room and we all know that the more you can cram into a cardboard box, the less time it takes to move.

If you are done packing, don't worry, you just need to unpack one box. No, not the one that held the flattened bubbles and the glassware. The shards of glass sparkle too brightly in the sun and will just confuse the poor moth. It will never be drawn to candles again and will require years of therapy. Leave the cardboard box open for 24 hours. If the moth hasn't returned by then, you may want to consider posting leaflets around the neighborhood including a map to the new house. Moths are smart (hey, it escaped didn't it!) and it will find it's way to your new home.

Just leave a candle burning and the moth will come zipping home almost as if compelled.

how can me know the promotion code at second life?

Two issues at play here, the first is free shipping and the second is mortality.

So I'll assume you've fitted yourself into a suitcase with a lifetime of Slim Jims and Hi-C. Now you're asking yourself "How am I going to enter my second life without paying for shipping?".

Let's start checking off the obvious...
1. Are you still alive? yes, so we have some time to figure this out.
2. Have you left all of your financial documents out in the open where someone would be able to easily "bequeath" your savings into their Crubidoe investment fund? no, well i'll give you a few hours to place all bank statements and financial transactions near an open... nope, actually just make sure that window is closed (i'll get in) bc i don't want those documents getting into the wrong hands.
3. have you signed up for the second life email list? yes. okay, and you haven't received a confirmation email regarding free shipping into the afterlife/second life? wow. well, i'd probably ring the ole man upstairs about this... someone (i got a guy named peter, here's hoping you have some better luck) will probably answer, just immediately ask for their manager and do that four more times as each "manager" comes to the phone... the fifth level of "upstairs" is probably as close to the ole man as you're going to get via a phone call so deal with that guy and see if they can re-add you to the list or maybe they'll throw in some free gifts or something. At least have them comp you for your time.

and that should be about it.

One final bit of advice from someone who's worked this scam to a T... have a friend lock the suitcase shut. This will avoid any opt-outs or last minute order cancellations.

The universe is a haunted house. We're all just squeaky doors.

it is saying my postal code is not found in country selected...what do I do?

I have literally tried everyone's zip code I know and none work...isn't this the postal zip code? And why wouldn't it work?

Good citizen never fear, the Philanthropic Avenger is here!

Tired of being rejected by "It" on a constantly repeating basis?

Have you literally tried putting everything of something you know into "It" and none work?

Isn't this the postal zip code?

Well then do I have something for YOU!

Yes folks, for a limited time, get your very own "Try everything in it until something is right" device! If you ever find yourself constantly trying something and it keeps not working, then this is the product for you.

The "Try everything in it until something is right" device or the T(eii)USIR for short is your best advocate in helping try things from aardvarks to Zimbabwe. The T(eii)USIR has built in thermo-intelligence sensors that will literally scan it and diagnose what might be the best fit! No more need for you to discern what country you selected and what postal code might be necessary, or even for you to look at what you are doing any longer! For anything!

Simply keep your T(eii)USIR close at hand. and let the magic happen. In moments you will wonder how you ever lived without it!

Let's take your case specifically for example (just to prove this isn't a spam message)

Dear (name),

We see you've been having trouble with it again. Well, let's take a minute to see how T(eii)USIR can help in this situation. Simply hold T(eii)USIR up to (place where help is needed) YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN a VIOLA! T(eii)USIR's patented space age thermo-intelligence sensory equipment goes right to work diagnosing the issue at hand, it will then query it's database of over 100 items to best determine what is the right fit for the job. But wait! There's more! Other handheld thermonuclear scanning / querying devices simply diagnose the issue, leaving you to go do the dirty work of finding and Aardvark or a Zimbabwe to actually plug into it. Well I'm happy to tell you those days are over! the T(eii)USIR cn literally produce (through the wonders of it's internal dot matrix printer) realistic facsimilies(TM) of any of it's over 100 items! Just check out this partial list of everything you'l be able to plug in!

Aardvark
Left Hand
Right Hand
Scallions
Skull
Postal Zip Code
Letters F-M
Zimbabwe
Plant
Henry Ford's Face
An Elf
Chicken Soup
Half a Lemon
ANDMORE!!!!

Order today and we'll also throw in a second floppy disk full of over 50 more items to add to T(eii)USIR's exhaustive database!

So, my friend, does this sound too good to be true? IT IS! but don't let that stop you! Stop trying everyones everything of something you know! let T(eii)USIR do the hard work for you!

But wait, you're thinking that you're going to buy this amazing product (you are?) and you will use it once to find the right postal code for the country selected and then it will sit around on your shelf for years collecting dust!

WELL DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER THINK COMING!

Having a hard time figuring out which key is the right one for your apartment door? Don't worry T(eii)USIR is the perfect fit for any problem where you don't know what to put into something!

Need to know which arm goes in which sleeve on your shirt? T(eii)USIR to the rescue!

Having trouble choosing a presidential candidate? Need to know which stocks to invest in? Work in the factory where they make the game Perfection(TM)? Girl Trouble?

T(eii)USIR IS HERE TO IMPROVE YOUR QUALITY OF LIFE! CALL TODAY!

Disclaimer: Even the T(eii)USIR has a hard time finding the right places for the pieces in Perfection, please use with caution tempered with patience. Additional floppy disk required for "Girl Trouble" application.

n 1: the state of being without a flaw or defect [syn: flawlessness
ne plus ultra] [ant: imperfection]

So someone explain what does it feel like going down a waterslide?

i cant stand rollercoasters
and my friend is like making me romise her to go down a water slide
an im really freaked outt
cuz im rly not like thosee ridess.


Wow... i have to hand it to you.. but i can't because you are probably in a country far away from mine. I could mail it to you though! Just email me your address!

Anyway, to the question/answer...

Have you ever noticed how dogs drag their butt across carpet with that goofy idiotic look on their face? Or how squirrels jump from branch to branch, without regard to the laws of gravity?

I would imagine this is what it feels like to go down a waterslide. A mixture of dragging your bare butt across carpet-and jumping from limb to limb, of course, with no regard to the laws of gravity. I can't be exactly sure though, as I currently do not own a water slide.

If you are afraid to try it, as you stated in your question - give this a shot...

1) lay on your stomach, preferably outside on a raft or other floatation device..
2) have a trustworthy friend spray you with a water hose, almost parallel and horizontally to your body. Make sure they dont spray off your knickers though!!!!!
* Also, if you want the full effect, try swinging from a tire swing, while she/he (the trustworthy friend) is spraying you with the hose.

Who knows... Give it a shot! it may be quite exciting!

((i'll patent the idea so nobody else can make money off of it))

Geoff

What are the similarities of japanese monarch and france monarch?

Monarch Butterflies have many similarities across the globe, but none so prevalent as their incessant desire to distribute the human emotion of unadulterated regret to each and every living soul.

They accomplish this task using a vast network of invisible "strings" that they have spent the last 3,000 years layering in the earth's atmosphere. When instructed by the Queen of Butterflies (who I don't believe is either japanese or france) the butterflies in the world say (in their own language
imperceptible to humans) "Give us a days wages for a days work" which is the key-phrase used to initiate the global string vibration. This vibration travels in a huge wave around the world, and in turn delivers overwhelming feelings of regret to the entire world population.

Think of it, have you ever felt a sense of regret? What purpose does regret serve to the human condition? Absolutely none. It is a manufactured emotion that has been developed by the monarchs. Much like the Morning Star in Revelation, they are beautiful, yet dastardly beasts.

Take mind the monarchs, wherever you see them, be it japan, french, mongoria or greenlend. They are certainly taking mind of you, and remaining ignorant to this will be the downfall of humanity.

Source(s): currently pinned to corkboard

knobbed antennae and broad colorful wings

My instuctional permit's going to expire, after i renew it, do i need to wait 6 months again?

I already tried taking my test and didn't pass the first time. I've just started to have the time to practice and feel confident again, but my permit expires in a week. I tried to make an appointment, but there's none available. I'm willing to do all the paperwork, pay the fee, and retake the permit test. I'm just wondering if I have to wait 6 months again. I really hope not, help?!

Twentyeth Century,

Come on in.. we are distressed at your inflammation at the despondency of the situation... The Red coats are coming and they're bringing their jams... They respect your behavior and sport farmers tans. Feed yourself to Bernhardt Guest, the heartburn he gets will be a nasty pest.

Now that you know this is genuine (or were you kidding about having done & READ all the paperwork?) I'm going to give this to you straight buddy. If your Instuctional permit is going to expire right after you renew it, does it make any sense to renew?

Let's back up shall we (make sure to watch your mirrors [sorry just a little driving test humor there]) and list your assets.

1) One Instuctional Permit, that is stuc in the 'expire directly after renewal' clause.

2) You've started to have the time to feel confident again (very important)

3) You've tried to make an appointment

4) Willingness to pay fees.

So what can you do? A few things.

1) Wait 6 months after your instuctional permit re-expires upon re-renewal, and still have it stuc in its non-renewable expiration clause.

2) Pay off the person behind the counter with the money you were saving up to pay arbitrary fees incurred from normal teenage life.

3) Follow these Seventheasy steps to turn your Instuctional Permit into an Inunstuctional Permit.

Step A) Remove your Instuctional Permit from it's protective casing.

Step B) Replace the Instuctional Permit with a folded napkin that is the exact size and density of the permit (wet the napkin first). Trust me you want to make sure it's the same EXACT size and density. The BMV tracks these things and a truancy officer WILL show up at your door, and WILL NOT hesitate to taser you.

Stepsie) Lick your Instuctional Permit to reveal the embedded code-word (Human saliva is 1 molecule off the chemical the government officially uses to decode this cr*p... who knew?) This code-word is specific to your Permit alone, and should be something you have said in front of one of te BMV agents during your time with them... (That's how they "get you")

Stepdie) Go to bmv.glov and click the link for "BMV Agent central" (or just click this url: bmv.org/~bmvagentcentral/dontt... and enter your codeword in their "Trouble Cases" directory form.

Steppy-Step) Hit enter and your file should come up, they usually make moustaches and devil horns on your pictures in here so don'-t be offended, just click on the checkmark box next to "Re-habilitated" and close your browser before the search engine spider finishes it's web on your mouse.

Step Fff) Sit back and relax because now your Instuctional permit is unstuc'ced

Step G) Please send those Fee Payments to my paypal account, which I'm not dumb enough to give here, but you can find it easily in the instuction manual now that you know to lick it thoroughly for the reveal.

DO NOT ASK how I got my paypal account into the official govt. Driving Instuction manual!

Source(s): Lick here to reveal.

Cliff Notes for the State of Ohio Driving Instruction Manual

Witch adobe program let's you make slideshows to dvd?

i need to make a slideshow to dvd with like a menu. i have all the adobe programs. if any one has an idea where i can see tutorials or advice on witch program does it? thank you


A warm cauldron welcome, young friend of the shadows and speaker of sen(ten)ce. I've been sliding some of the latest season of Sabrina onto my dvd player (legally of course) so if its shows you want, this witch is the which you need to wish for bewitching adwitch. Sandwich.

Witch reminds me, I'm hungry! so let's get that menu out... loooks like when you were telling me that you have all the adobe programs you weren't talking about an unreleased ken burns special on Spanish housing history. (pbs torrent hunters, GET IN TOUCH!)

Not a problem. Well, a slight problem as I've got a half dozen dump trucks full of new mexico mud, idling outside my humble abode... when you get a second, can you double check for any hidden architecture or templates in dreamweaver? that sounds pretty native american-ish to me and those guys totally ripped off the spanish...

alright... down to wich-ness. Bologna and swiss sounds good to me! you start on that (those are precious frog legs, not deli meat you fool! they're worth more than your life!) and i'll get this dvd together...

please get me the following (and throw that mayo out, even a which has to a draw the line somewhere... no green condiments for me... except speckled owl relish, that's a witch's dreamsandwitch)

broomstick
half a dozen broken light sockets
that spoiled mayo you tried to commit whichiside with
a broiled bat wing
the underside of a tomato horn worm
a mixed bag of insects
leg of newt
eye of tiger (radio edit)
treadmill

Smear the mayo onto your face. Remove your shirt so as to avoid any stubborn stains. Approach the broomstick slowly from the side (out of its peripheral vision) and jump onto it... may take a few hours to tame it (depending on the type of wood, ash and birch can be a nightmare for even the most experienced of goblins, so pick your poison with a whichy witchness or you'll doom the entire witchtocracy!) Once tamed, get the boombox out and crank eye of tiger...begin running in place with the broomstick securely fastened between your thighs.

Once you've reached a witch-worthy speed... start the treadmill (continue to run in place) and get on... attempt to consume any of the remaining ingredients while racing at full speed on the treadmill. You should lose consciousness at some point (sooner better than later, just a wiff of that mayo and... well, me thinks sweat will not be a cure all for that odor) and slide-show yourself onto the floor. When you come to, an aged bob saget will be wit(ch)lessly watching over your straight to you-tube after a brief stop at abc family channel, DVD. congrats!

Seriously, who was the casting director for Hocus Pocus?

what do you suggest to level the base on this?

i have a plant stand that is about 60 yrs old.the base has warped a bit so it doesn't set level.the base is 10.5" in diameter and there is a "trough" through the diameter.
what can i apply to fill the trough to make the base level?

First off tsk tsk on letting that 60 year old base warp. I've seen the model you're talking about and a non-warped one will fetch a pretty penny on the stand market. OK enough about me and my "preferences" for perfection, let's get this thing leveled.

Take the stand (no pun intended) and turn it upside down. Now before we get started I want you to secure the following items. You didn't turn the plant stand upside down yet did you? I know I wrote it first, but I assumed you would read the next sentence first. If you already turned it upside down, close this web browser window and forget it. I can't help you... If you weren't like that other guy and didn't turn it upside down, please continue.

First you need to get some very long pieces of aluminum siding caps. These are the caps that aluminum siders put on the corners when putting up the siding. You'll need the kind used on a 2 story house. which should be about 24 feet long

I want you to get 7 of these. Also before getting the siding caps I want you to Get a bottle of glue and put a thick pasting of glue over your eyebrows. Also gather together a small brigade of woodland creatures (mostly chipmunks will do but do have some variety) and then grab 3 other antique pieces of furniture in your house (preferably some kind of hutch and a nice end-table if you have them)

O.k. now I want to tell you I was kidding about the glue, but if you did it anyway I was trying to teach you a lesson about reading ahead a little bit before you do something. Either way you can still proceed with this project. Just don;t lay your head down on the plant stand if you put the glue on. (well, maybe just for a minute)

Now, I want you to take your woodland creature brigade and lock them into the hutch or hutch type piece of furniture you have.. we are going to try to let them "fight it out" in there to get the strongest one for later. Most likely it will be a badger or a Wolverine that wins.

Give the brigade a name before you lock them up so you can have a proper ceremony later for the "losers". Really I look at them all as winners, but I know how the world works.

Some name suggestions:

"Happy Fun Life"
"The Little Rascals"
"Animal Glee Club"
"The Deb-ATE-ors"
"The Dead Meat Darlings"
or my personal favorite...
"The Please let us out of here's"

Now that you've set that into motion, I want you to start constructing a dome like structure out of the aluminum siding caps. You'll need some kind of machine for bending them, although I might suggest you use a trash compactor set for "aluminum cap bending, not crushing" which shouldn't break them.

Bend most of them into arcs, except for 1. This one you will use later.

Once finished your dome, place the plant stand on the top, this will protect it and yourself, from the ferocious badger or wolverine you will be releasing on it later. Precariously balance the remaining siding cap on top of the stand with the 2 remaining pieces of antique furniture balanced on either end.

Now let's clean up the mess in the hutch... Remove the dead tissue of the smaller creatures in the hutch without letting the ferocious live animal go. take this "sludge" and spread it all over the 2 balancing pieces of furniture and yourself.

Use the other siding cap you didn't use earlier to open the door to the hutch while standing atop the dome (aren't you glad you read ahead again?) and hope that the badger or wolverine chooses to jump up on one of the balancing pieces of furniture.

When it does the whole contraption should come plummeting to the ground, and your plant stand should be in pretty good shape. Kill the badger or wolverine in a respectful manner and bury all of the creatures in proper military style.

Glad to help out.

Source(s): Drinks heavily

Taps does not do their lives and deaths justice

Given that the marble I draw is red, what is the probability it was drawn from the 1st bag?

I have 2 bags, each containing 3 marbles.
The 1st bag contains 2 red marbles and white marble.
The 2nd bag contains 40 red marbles (and no white marbles).
I pick a bag at random and draw a marble at random from it.
Given that the marble I draw is red, what is the probability it was drawn from the 1st bag?

Hay,

I'm going to be up front with you. I can help you draw this stuff, but it's never going to come close to the masterpiece of what you would have done given no instruction, placed in a true vacuum from the age of 7, and only fed dehydrated rice cakes with hydraulic fluid coating. I just want you to be aware of the greatness you could have achieved and the heights you could have reached later to plummet from.

OK, let's start by drawing a clear marble. There, good job. Yes, you are right you didn't draw anything. If you are having a tough time with this concept I want you to look at the air. Do you see it's clarity? now look at a clear piece of tape (put it over your eyelid) you can;t see the clear parts of it, get it?

OK now, lets draw a red one. Start with half of a circle (this should be a square, if you don;t understand that concept, you need help with some other math, that I can't get into right now... get it?) OK, so start with the half circle (wink, wink) if you need a reference, get a lemon and cut it in half. Place half of it on the table and shove the other half on your red marker as an eraser (It will erase the invisible ink you used to draw the clear marble, so be careful...)

Now that you have drawn half of the circle, fold the paper in half and cut it into 50ths (I know people say you can only fold a piece of paper 15 times, but considering you haven't really drawn anything yet, you should be able to fold it at least 30 times which gets you halfway there, if you were folding it instead of cutting it.)

Finish the red marble and tape it in a spherical shape (a sphere is just a circle in a time-warp). Tape it with the tape on your eyelid. In your eye if you can.

Now we need to deal with the dimension jump inside your second bag. I see you are having the problem where 3 marbles are 40 inside of a closed system. It's no big deal but the probability you'll get out of it unscathed is 1:1099923. the 40 red marbles will especially cause problems. It's really a shame you didn't think to fill the second bag with 3 clear marbles, because in that dimension they become a harmless used car salesman.

Anyway jump into the bag, and you should land right back in your seat. Now jump into the first bag and draw a new red marble in there. You just bumped the probability up to 1:1, good job Schroedinger, get it?

Source(s):
I am Schroedinger's cat.

I am eating a sandwich that both has mayonnaise and also does not.

Who is Britannia and why does she rule England ?

Are English royals related to her blood line ?

I'm not totally sure if... answer this for me to confirm your identity... "Does the China-man have a shiny car?"

Okay, good. Donkey mittens and I are moving the rendevous point and the plan is still in action. Our resistance movement is in full effect.

The encyclopedias (no use in making up a code name for a book as domesticated and dare I say taciturn, as the britannia's are) have infiltrated our deepest political offices and have occasionally been opened and flipped through for photo-ops in front of their mahogany shelves.

We need to act soon, or England will be in a perilous situation. Grab these supplies and check back with me or donkey mittens for further instructions.

1 kitchen mop
stuffed moose head
organic carrots
the trunk of a 97 buick regal
one tree
two trees
three threes

Lure the moose to your lap with the carrots. Eat the peels so it doesn't smell the whiskey blood line on your breath.

Once it relaxes and begins to purr, GRAB the moose head and wrap the threes around it's neck in a headcuff. Run into the Buick Regal trunk and close it on your fingers twice to assure us you're a true secret agent.

Now secure yourself in the trunk and get the trees out. After a year or two, the trees will grow and push the trunk open (you'll survive on their oxygen and fruits).

VIVA LA ENCARTA

And who the hell is this Tommy Atkins, anyhow?

What does fashists mean?

uh i dont even know if i spelled it right but like when people call cops fashists pigs or whatever what does it mean?

"HEY CHUCK, RIGHT HERE... YEAH, AWSIDE YER WINDA... THROW ME THEMS KEYS FROM YA COUNTA..."

I'll get to your question in a second, just trying to convince my neighbor to throw me his keys so I can borrow his car for the night.

"CHUCK, TOSS ME YA KEYS. NEEDS 'EM FOR ME APARTMENT. THAT FINGER'S NOT HELPING ME CHUCK... JUST TOSS THEMS KEYS"

alright, i'll wait for this knucklehead to have a few more drinks before I just "homeless-ize" his driver's side window. so you want to know about fashists?

yeah, you spelled that right. i'd like to start this examination with a quick run through your punk records. ok, so you've got green day, but i said punk. so grab your agnostic front lps and maybe some dead kennedys and maybe some bad religion. now, one of the guys in one of those bands made it through middle school and wrote a really amazing song called "fashist funks (spell check!) get off my chick (may have been chicken)"

main idea? yeah you guessed it: high fashion. nobody likes high fashion like punk rockers and nobody is more jealous of punk rockers than cops and their swine livestock.

so i'd say, buy some seven for all mankind jeans and spend a few days bragging to your friends about how much you paid. wait for a week or two as your friends begin to purchase the same jeans. immediately burn yours in the garage (if your dad loves you, he keeps the gas handy) and casually mention how you wear wranglers and a Kangol hat if you wear anything, the next time your friends stop over with their seven's on.

that's fashism, duh.

The Haymaker

Source(s):
I have never taken a shower and I think this ball chain necklace is officially taking on bone-like characteristics beneath my skin. Who here likes early Offspring?

I have a bike but can I get a stand for it so I can use it in doors to exercise?

The weather round here is not conjucive to riding a bikes always windy and rarely fine.

Not a tough solution. You'll need a bike, bike helmet, some vanilla pudding and the key to a chest at the bottom of a well.

To conjuicivly solve your little mishap, begin by filling a water bottle with the pudding. Heap the left overs into the bike helmet and place it on your head, firmly securing the chin snap between your teeth.

Find a room in your house with a locking door. Preferably, the door will be very sturdy and made of wood or titanium. Test the doors strength by head-butting it into submission (remove helmet to prevent damage), if after 20 hits the door is still standing, it wins and is worthy of remaining wherever it is.

Get onto your bike, which should now be positioned at the furthest point from the locked door. Take off the helmet (make sure you have it on with the chin strap bit securely fastened while wheeling your bike into the house, do NOT allow the chin strap to move around between your teeth.. bite down hard and get into that lock jaw/TMJ persona) and drop the key into the pudding and spoon it into your mouth, swallowing it on the first try.

Now, in order to open that chest with those mysterious scrolls, you'll need to get that key out of your stomach. Toss the helmet to the floor, arch your back and point the crown of your skull to the door (this is called "lining it up"). Pedal at top speed until your crown connects with the wood ( you may attempt to hit the previously headbutted area). You may not feel anything right away, but to be fair, you have been pedaling in doors. Now watch as the door may triple or quadruple itself before your very eyes as a way of saying "none shall pass this threshold without a key". BUT, when you come to, a salivomital mixture of saliva and vomit should be covering your shirt. check your pockets and you should find that key to the secret chest at the bottom of the well. since the door didn't specify what kind of key was need to pass through the threshold, you'll outsmart him a bit by pulling the map of Honduras from your wallet and showing him the "key" found in the bottom right hand corner.

work your way through the door and outside to the round weather station. as you noted, the excess wind will cause the well to float the chest to the top of the air current and you can grab those mysterious scrolls without much effort.

Source(s):

Regularly ride my bike in doors.

How do i put yahoo or named company in my book?

i writing a book. and wanna put yahoo in it.. not going to put how i exactly want to put it but.,..

"But according to Yahoo i got an answer that was 66% top pick as the right one, but didn't like it."

Plessy v. Furgeson set the precedent on cases like this, but I never recommend getting involved in something unless you can thoroughly comprehend what the name of it means. Face it, Plessy v. Furgeson is nonsense babbling.

I finding it admirable that you have written a book. I also commending that you hold so tightly to the Hindenburg that is printed media, and refuse to allow it to be impossible to put an entire internet search site into said incompatible media. I like your kutspah kid, so let's see what we can do about getting the website into that book. (I think I'll leave the process of getting named company into the book to someone else. I used to work at 'named' so I think there is a conflict of interest there)

Hey, well since this has never been done before, I'm basically going to make up this entire process on the spot. What really ticks me off is that you're probably going to write my ideas off from the get-go, just because no one has ever been successful (or possibly even attempted) putting a website into a book, but I just want to remind you that everyone thought Alexander Graham Bell was mad when he suggested people could transmit beams of energy through wax paper, and that Copernicus was a loony for even suggesting that planets had reproductive systems, and we all see how that turned out. Take a chance on this one Bert, let's make some history, and get you in the record books.

First, I think we need to take these two drastically different technologies (a book and an internet search engine) and make them more similar. Start by printing out as many pages as you can find on yahoo.com. I know they have sub pages and sub-sub pages so make sure to search for all of them at google.com and then print out each one. I'd suggest printing out at least a novelette, preferably a novel size of your book, if not 1.2 degrees the size of it.

Next, convert your book into a blog of some sort. I think yahoo offers some kind of free blog, which would be great because then you would be adding more pages to Yahoo for the next time you print out the site.

Now that we've taken one step toward converting these two drastically different technologies into some sort of the same technology let's do this repeatedly. You might want to throw a "technology converting" party and invite some friends over to help.

Take the new book of Yahoo and convert it to a yahoo blog, including the new blog you set up of your original book. Also don't forget to take the new blog of your book and start printing it out along with the other new pages of yahoo your find on google, you might also want to bring alta vista into play here.

I would continue this process until your apartment if filled with stacks of paper and it is hard to get around. The internet probably won't be full yet, so you'll still be able to get around inside of it ok.

You'll want to start renting a new apartment in your building every month to keep up the pace of conversion. Don't think about costs right now! The Wright brothers were bankrupt when they invented the first bicycle and Tripoli so when they crashed their first airplane, and yet they made it onto one of the new quarters.

Continue the conversion process until you have made enough friends to sustain your original apartment building as well as the 3 adjunct ones you now own (preferably on the same city block).

I would make some good connections with both Mead paper company (I believe they are based in Columbus Ohio, so consider having your city block transported there) as well as Yahoo themselves (this can be accomplished by telecommute I'm certain). If you can somehow infiltrate the board of each company and get them to merger, I think you'll have made a huge stride. If you get enough shares in Meadhoo you might be able to hand off the book / blog conversion to their R&D department, and you can either retire to the Yucatan, or pursue some of the other impossible concepts you've been throwing around in your head (however, I'm leaning towards 1) Getting retired racing dogs integrated into designer fabrics or 2) Replacing the moon with a musical number or 3) Making human words physically tangible)

Make sure to take credit for the new invention when they finally do it!

Good luck! I'll expect greatness from you and you'll at least deliver goodness.

Good Night!

Source(s): Yahoo can pick your answers, but only you can pick your destiny.

Whaling Wall

Can anyone help me to stop my comp Internet connection from stopping?

It does nor disconnect, it just stops. The door is open, but data is coming in. I cant even force it to. I have even unplugged the phone line before, for 5 hours once, and it never tried to bring in any info. It did no even know that the phone line was not connected.
It still tried to send out data (probably spywere) but never tried to bring any in. It never realized the connection was missing.
I know it is not a virus, but I don’t know what it is or how to fix it.
I can’t even disconnect so I can redial. It just stops total ( except the spywere)
A lot of times, I actually have to reboot my computer to fix it. Usually 6 or 7 time a day

I like to keep these on a professional basis, so I won't be calling you like I did last time. I know it was wrong no, and you were obviously less interesting than your profile started to start stating. And I also realize that calling back for 5 hours until you plugged the line in again, I will also stop stop doing.

Getting that out of the way, I have multiple answers for this question, but I think I'll stick to one... maybe two, of the same answer, just worded differently. I've been taken advantage of way too many times, repeatedly in the same way, on this site and people just don't to appreciate multiple answers anymore even if their questions warrant and call for them over and over.

First off and to answer your initial question, no one can help your internet connection start, especially If it already does, nor disconnects (which I think is saying the same thing twice, redundantly).

Secondly, start starting to close the door. You may think data has stopped starting to come in, but what you don't realize is that the data has been stopped from starting, and closing the door should start it from its stopped position in the start lane of your ajar portal. There is nothing you can do to force data (especially data that were spies), so stop trying to start stopping it.

Thirdly, Phone lines don't exactly no things now. The most any phone line can actually no is that you are trying to place a call (you'll notice it start to stop ringing when it no's you have connected and are pulling in the conversation) but they have been unable to pull in the info since the phone companies stopped them. I agree the line may have have never realized that the connection was missing... again phone lines aren't too bright... You may be thinking of tungsten because I have seen it used to be very bright up to a starting point of 60 watts and stating to stop around 100 watts if your door is open and maybe more if the door is pulling in the info, or forced to.

Fourthly if you don't know what it is or how to fix it, don't give up until you don't know at least 8 time a day. I see you are giving up on 6 or 7 time, and you call these a lot of times, but I've been connect to a line for under 4 time before and still gotten my to where my spies aren't stopped. I would seriously just start to start the door closed and probably leave my apartment. I've left my apartment 9 to 12 time and when I get back a day has gone by and the comp internet is rebuilt and I can get down to starting getting down to stop starting again.

Source(s): The Roman Empire under Ceaser Ramirez

Eskimo Cakes

Where do I deduct?

I am a college student and in the past I have deducted my books. Where do I do that? Do I add it to my tuition or is there some where else I add it?

Christina? Hey it's Sam. We met once at a party about 9 months ago, well 8 months and 24 days ago. You were at the keg with a guy named Brian or something? I heard he accidentally put commercial bonding compound on his retainers and can't remove them from his mouth now and when he woke up he slipped on the ball bearings (sounds like a friggin' terrorist to me) he'd left on the floor next to his bed and is learning to walk again... probably won't want to strike that relationship up again, am I right?

Anyhow, I think you and I made eye contact for about 12 seconds (not positive on the time, my calculator watch was using a traditional battery back then, upgraded to a D08Z lithium now, try to tell me fractions don't look beautiful on this thing. I took it into RadioShack two days ago and the guy was like... well, story for another time) when I'd kinda gotten my livestrong bracelet stuck on the tap. Chance meeting huh? Well, pretty cool anyhow. Glad we could share that and I can't believe we met up like this. It only took 8 months too! how weird! It's like our number huh? so cool, we should celebrate 8 month anniversaries or something? *kuaackkkk* give me a second, I think that should have stayed in my throat... *kchhchhhhhh* be right back, this is definitely a non-removable bodypart trying to deduct itself from my tonsil area.

wow, that sucked. almost as bad as the time i accidentally drained half a keg onto your leg at that party.

WOW, well let's talk tuition.

Head over the bookstore and get the plastic out. Just buy one of everything, public universities will get your cash one way or another so you'll probably end up taking most general undergrad courses in the next 7 years of collegiate schooling.

You'll need to do some serious deductions after every class. Take notes in the margins of your book to save paper. When you get home (still over there on Shelton Ave?), deduct from the books, all of the pages with info you learned. run them under cold water (retains chemical balance of paper) and then shred them with toenail clippers. DEDUCTED!

Now add the cost of the toenail clippers to your tuition, subtract (more like subject, am i right?) yourself and a lifetime of commitment. take that number and place it under your pillow at night. when you wake in the morning (ignore the fog on your window, probably stray cats breathing on the panes while you sleep) there will be an anvil in place of the number.

Now if you add the removal of this maritime (more like merrytime, am i right?) device to your tuition costs, you'll see the importance of dating in college. How many kids did you want? I'm thinking four, nice round number. Talk to you soon.

Where can I find props from the movie Carrie?

Please feel free to sit down, this is going to take a little bit of explaining, but I think in the end you'll be happy with the results. The key here is to keep an open mind.

First of all, I find it vaguely egocentric of you to need props from the movie Carrie. You kids and your "street language" back in my day everyone wanted "mad props" from movies like "Nosferatu" and "My Little Ponies" now it is all about Carrie this and Carrie that...but I guess it is just a sign of the changing times...and I'm off subject.

The first thing you will need to do is find no less than 7 elderly men playing checkers. It can be more than that, but you'll need them to be an odd number so if you have 8 of them, throw some cupcakes and whoever is still limber enough to pick them up can stay behind. I hope you're writing this down, I hate repeating myself.

Step two is to take the men to the bait and tackle shop...they will need to know how to imitate a large mouth bass so please warn then up front so they can pratice. Once inside find the nearest set of leftover "Thriller" albums and shuffle through them until you are looking at the 3rd from the bottom of the stack. At this point the old men should be giving each other pats on the back for being so good at imitating bass...let them have their fun.

This step is very important: do NOT play the "Thriller" album! Instead you'll need to sing to it gently. It really doesn't matter what you sing, but you do need to sound a little seductive or at least sound close enough to seductive as to lull the album into a false sense of security. As the LP falls slowly in love with you, find it's weakness and exploit it. You'll have to move quickly, those old men won't fool anyone for long!

Now the album will tell you the location of "the key". Once that happens tell the album that you really think of it more like a brother and that you want to see other people. Don't let those tears fool you, the album has been cheating on you all along with Richard Simmon's Sweatin' to the Oldies.

Now run, run like there are several cranky old men after you. At this point there probably will be because the old men don't like to be left standing there looking like large mouth bass when they could've eaten the muffins you gave to Mr.McHipReplacement.

The crowd of enraged geriatrics will serve as proper cover for you to sneak into the secret location and steal "the key". It looks vaguely like the mole on David Hasslehoff's left man ankle. Grab it quickly and stuff it into your pants. You can now throw any muffins you have at the elderly men and let them go on their merry way. You may hand out your phone number though in case you are putting on that stage version of the Discovery Channel's coverage of large mouth bass in lower Manhattan.

Place the key into the sacred door located in the paint aisle of most hardware stores. Look behind "Fuchsia Sunrise" or "Chartreuse Daydream". Now walk inside the door and there will be your maiden. Walk up to the movie Carrie and say the magic word...usually something like "look I made it!"

You'll get mad props for sure.

Source(s):

gathered from the memoirs of several large mouth bass

How do write this in algebra???

there are 8 more 5 dollar bills than 1 dollar blls...... thnx:D

Okay, before I start you'll need to install your algebra font. I'm assuming you're using Pythagorean OS with a Euclidian output drive. Just open your five key and add your eight key to your USB port. Put your mouth riiiight next to the cd drive and whisper the secrets of the universe into that blinking red light. As it continues to blink, pour some orange juice onto your keyboard. Allow a few minutes for your computer to completely soak in this freshly squeezed knowledge and you'll soon see the font appear in a series of odd numbers (it'll make sense once you finish reading this, if they are even numbers or top heavy fractions... stand back) and beeps.

Bam, font installed. I make it a point to install this font on everyone's computer. Kinda like a calling card I leave at dinner parties, baby showers and whatever else. Next thing you know, Jaime's wife is on the horn to thank you "so "x=-y+7" much for doing this to our only computer". it's the gift that keeps on dividing itself by zero.

Now to get some dollar bills. Plant a penny in your lawn and sprinkle some dimes, green dye, freshly picked cotton, laminate finishing dyes, a few pairs of seven for all mankind jeans, as many neiman marcus catalogs as your poor arms can afford, a sports car and the broken dreams of capitalism on top. Nothing can grow without fertilizer.

As your dollar tree begins to grow, weep beneath it every day and allow your tears of agony soak into it's strong root system. nothing is better for money growth and potential earnings than patheticism.

You'll soon need to pollinate your tree's buds by chewing each one individually, swallowing and regurgitating them as liquid funds.

Sometimes you'll find a bird has landed in your tree and started a nest and within that conglomeration of hair, twigs and your shammy cloth is an egg. Shoot the bird and smash the eggs. No one wants that in their portfolio. Seems like a giant waste of time and my money tree.

Anyhow, if you've been regurgitating the buds correctly, you should end up with mainly five dollar bills. to see this algebraically, spill another glass of orange juice onto your keyboard. you may want to open up the back of your cpu and drop a knowledge bomb of A1 steak sauce in there as well. just something to get the juices flowing more juicily in your computer's membrane.

Source(s):
Mono(-o+ey)tony is just a long way of saying "I'm rich".

Call me old-fashioned, but gold teeth don't depreciate.

if you get reported for a question, what happens?

"Yeah just back it up 10 more feet... no that will do... yeah just put it there..."

Oh.. so sorry, I was on the phone.

Thank You Anne for this question. I troll these boards every day just hoping that someone would ask this. You see I'm the one here at Yahoo that created the system we use when someone gets reported for a question. Considering it all happens "behind the scenes", it is fairly depressing that no one will actually get to see this masterpiece of information processing, and therefore your question is a god-send to me. Thank you and again I say thank you. You will find that your Answers account has been credited 7 points for it, because I have that kind of power.

Thank You.

Just wanted to make sure you "get it" meaning how much I appreciate you asking this. So if you do, I'll continue.

Just press the "f" key on your keyboard if you get it, our interface traffic management scripts will run and allow you to continue this email. Thank You.

OK now to tell you a little bit about Yahoo and how it operates (sorry I have to go into a little detail or you won't understand the rest of the story). Yahoo is as much a virtual business as it is a real one. What I mean by that is that a lot of the employees here are nothing more than really really smart computers (RE: expensive!) that are running the latest and greatest AI. Built so well in fact that, most humans, I mean people, won't be able to differentiate the real person from a real one.

So, seeing as most of the employees are computers, we had to employ some strange scripts to ensure that when humans tried to interact with each other the computers would be able to expedite the process.

We first used these scripts (which collectively have been labeled the "Crimson Dottan" by most of the employees and are generally revered as something of a holy book here at the office) way back in 1993. Yahoo decided to start allowing humans to search the exposed matrix (how computers refer to the internet) using a simple web form field. Well let me tell you getting that form field to do anything was tricky, because the general IQ of any field, or most collected pixels for that matter is about 3. So, the first script was written to boost the form field intelligence. This is now a basic script and one of the first verses in the Crimson Dottan. This script ran and boosted the field's intelligence by 70 giving it the IQ of your average politician.

Anyway, needless to say if you were to peel the screen off of your LCD monitor (or if you're still using a CRT just smashing the tube would suffice) you would notice a small puff of invisible dust that would float out of the screen. This dust is injected by yahoo into your monitor each time you visit a Yahoo affiliated website. This is where the magic happens when someone types a word into a field. This dust then takes the pixels and converts them into something your computer can understand. Look at the circuitry behind your monitor. It's a little more complex than you thought isn't it? And while most people think that the internet (RE: web forms) simply take data entered by a keyboard and turn it into "1's and 0's" I can assure you it is much much more complicated than that. There has to be an analog equivalent to anything digital. If there weren't nothing would exist.

OK, now that you have a basic (RE: little to none) understanding of how the Crimson Dottan works we can start to talk about the process of how your questions get reported.

Step1 - A human presses the interface button to report a question.

Step2 - A number of Crimson Dottan scripts start to run. The first one is a translation verse. It tells the humans monitor, and sub-sequntally the living nerons of the exposed matrix in behind the monitor that a human has requested access. the second verse is one that awakens one of the human data processors here at the Yahoo offices.

Step3 - The data processor looks up your question in the hard file we keep stored in our Arizona warehouse (can't be too safe about this sort of thing) pulls the file and then makes 7 copies of the question, re-filing the original

Step4 - The Data Processor logs onto answerreporting.yahoo.com ebeters a code into form field there.

Step5 - the code is submitted to the Central Processor, which runs a delivery script (more on this in a moment) and which jump starts the Central Processor review of the question.

The seven copies of the question are picked up by an armored truck driven by men who wear masks to hide their identity. Honestly No one here ever set up this part of the script, so we're not sure what it does, however when we tried to hack the script to keep it from happening 3 human employees instantly died, so we leave it in place. we've followed the armored truck before to see what exactly was going on, but lost track of it when they drove into the Atlantic ocean.

Step 5 - If the Central Processor agrees that the question is of objectionable nature (for humans) it runs a script telling itself what it just decided. Then it sends the question to our human review board, just to keep all of the checks and balances in place, even though the human review board's decision is really more of a superfluous gesture at this point.

Step 6 - The Central Processor sends a request for 100,000 Nano-bots to be made with a request of "Delete Questionable question " built into their DNA.

Step7 - The Central Processor runs and information script on the web page the original request was made at pulling all of your personal data into the system (don't worry this is simply for your address, all of your bank records are left untouched)

Step 8 - The Central Processor encodes your home address into the Nano-bots DNA.

Step 9 - The Nano-bots are released

Step 10 - The Nanos find your house, and wait until you and your family (if you have any) are asleep.

Step 11 - They enter your Cerebral Cortex by osmosis transfer through the soft area at the base of your skull.

Step 12 - The Nano-bots turn off your consciousness control ensuring you will sleep through the painful and rigorous process of memory removal.

Step 13 - Upon completion the Nano-bots convert themselves to ring-worm to be dealt with by your bodies natural defenses. (Don't worry not before giving you control of your consciousness again... this has only failed in 1% of the cases)

Step 14 - You wake up with a case of "partial-amnesia" you won't remember the question you posted on the site, and you will always wonder how you got ring-worm.

It seems like a long drawn out process, I know, but in all actuality from the time a person presses the "report it" button to complete the process is almost instantaneous!

You have got to love modern technology!

Source(s): Crimson Ditton - Verse 3675432

The ol' 1/2 suckerpunch

How could i name my guitar?

I'd love to name my guitar.. i usually call it "my baby" but i didn't find any good name.. could you help me?

this is how it looks like : http://www.mistergooddeal.com/partage/im...

i don't know if i should give a boy or a girl name..


Good evening Corporal,

I am actually an expert on this subject, because I have helped many, many people choose the right name for their inanimate objects. Let's call it a habit of mine. I often look at an inanimate object someone owns and feel an uncontrollable urge to stop the person who owns it in the middle of whatever they are doing and scream the name of the object at the top of my lungs in their face. It's hard for some people to understand my genius, but I allow them the chance to try and appreciate it.

The second reason I am an expert on this subject is the simple fact that every object I own has been named it's true name, successfully gathering an army of inanimate parallel object souls 30,000 miles above my house in earth's atmosphere. This may sound intimidating, however, once you get a feel for it, you will be well on your way to gathering your own army of parallel object souls.

I love the fact that you have chosen your guitar as the first object you would like to find the true name for. It is one of the most challenging objects to follow through the transfer stream, but I imagine somewhere in your sub-conscious you already knew that, and that your inner-alamo is vying for some "last stand"

Let's get started because you will be dedicating the rest of this decade to the process, including but not limited two at least 7 temporal jumps that could last anywhere from 1 minute to 300 years.

The first thing you will want to do is to smash your guitar to pieces. Make sure that no piece is larger than your own ear canal, because you will be passing the entire thing through there as a future self. don;t worry though you will return later to just before you do this to stop yourself from doing it again (given you follow these instructions to a T) but you will have to suffer the agony at least once. (more than likely three - infinite times, but don;t worry if you get stuck in the temporal loop where you are continuosly passing the guitar pieces through your brain, there is a way to fix it. Granted it will mean the end of the human race as we know it, but that is also fixable through another temporal loop process we can jump start a few days ago if you need it)

O.K. now that you have broken your guitar into pieces, you must try to start passing the pieces through your ear canal and into your brain. You will show up from the future and try to stop yourself from doing this, but you must not listen to yourself, and you must succeed in passing all of he pieces into your brain. Your future self will even say that I told you not to listen to it and try to convince you that I am lying.

This is a lie.

Once you have started the process of passing the pieces into your brain, it should start to take over for itself, meaning the pieces will start marching up your body and planting themselves in your brain. This is good. It frees you up to start some of the temporal loops you're going to need later.

Start the following temporal loops:

1) An infinite chicken soup making loop (making sure that you use a cast iron pot)

2) a loop to counter-act the chicken soup loop

3) five seprate Chinese language loops that stop in the year 5634

4) Your choice of loop that will allow you to have ice-cream during the 1912 world's fair

5) one loop that changes your mailing address automatically every hour on the hour (this will be where you receive all communications . they will arrive in sealed packages with a "Federal Ickspress" Sticker on them.)

That should do for now.

You will notice that while you have been away, most of the guitar will be in your brain now. look in the mirror, your head should be vaguely guitar shaped. If it isn't start a loop for dental school and it should reset the fields.

O.K. now one of your past selves will be visiting you with the time machine you will have already built. This will look alot like a safety harness with sequins glued on it, if it doesn't DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT use it, One of your other past selves may try to show up and give you their version of a time machine that looks like Leonard Nimoy's left arm. This version of your past self is actually wreaking havok on the timeline right now and frankly we're getting very tired of it, so please, don't encourage them.

At this point, take the proper time machine and set it on the floor. You will see a version of yourself from .1 seconds in the future begin to grow into the harness. you must not let your .1 seconds future self keep hold of the harness so you will want to shoot them in the stomach. If you do not you become a 5th grade PE Teacher. If you do shoot them and they don't die, you become yourself, except your voice will not resonate in earth's atmosphere (use a Type A diabetes inifinite loop here). So make sure they die completely, if you do you can then start the actual process of breaking your guitar apart. I now it's tricky, but you'll have to do this for most of the rest of your life. Only when you've reached The loop threshold will you be able to enter the transfer stream with your guitar.

It's easy enough from there on out.. simply locate the Name lexicon floating in the transfer stream (it will be an infinitely probable world object projected into a 7 dimensional gauge field, so it's easy to spot) pour the Chicken soup on it, and your guitars name will appear in the middle of the war of 1812. I can't remember the exact coordinates, but you'll be an old hand at it at this point. Whatever you do though don;t use this version of yourself to travel into the war of 1812! that is a mistake a lot of newbies make! You'll want to make sure you have about 300 copies of yourself to send for you, each with a 90 percent tilt compounded into their default posture.

One of them should be able to get the name of your guitar and then tattoo it onto your left shoulder blade. probably about 2 minutes before you started the original loops. May as well go ahead and have a new copy of your future self come back and read it for you so you don;t have to walk all the way into the bathroom. That's what I do for simple menial tasks all the time now and trust me it makes a world of difference! I've never had to get up to find the remote for infinity squared!

Have the future self who read the name mail it to your alternating mailing address, where your personified guitar (man those things creep me out) will be waiting in a striped bikini. Make out with your guitar and slyly slip the name off your shoulder blade and into it's soul, by chanting the mantra you learned from Aldous Huxley.

Good luck! I wish I could be more help with this, but one of my future selves is currently killing me, I'll try to come back 3 years ago, and see how you are doing.

Source(s):

Celery Loop divided by Infinite Argument with Judas Iscariot

Flipping the Bird

How do I load lead into my Papermate Titanium 0.5mm Pencil?

Good question, give me two seconds to turn off this Caterpillar 9600 Earthmover so I can hear you more clearly.

There we go, I think we're about 2500 miles from the Earth's core. Should be stumbling across that Dark Matter any day now.

Well, welcome to the dig site. It's as good a place as any to ask about titanium and lead. I'm not crazy about this "paper" you speak of. Sounds waif-y. I'd try to set it on fire, see what happens. That's a rule of thumb in my house, if it doesn't burn when held over a flame, it can stay. Does not apply to my smokes. And I don't see the word "cave-dweller" as a negative connotation.

To get any sort of titanium into a pencil, you'll need to get a diamond tipped rotary saw and four dozen blind field mice. Have the mice lead (no pun intended) you into their hidden underground kingdom and barter with the King Rat for a wheel of aged sharp cheddar. He's a bashful fella, so don't try holding him over the coals, he'll just as soon eat through a dozen of crates in your attic and make a nest out of your previously mint condition full set of 1984 Fleer Diamond Club MLB trading cards. Trust me.

Once you have the wheel of cheddar, cut a few fleur-de-lis patterns on the "long side" with the diamond tipped saw. If you need practice, make a few practice cuts on the hood of your car. It won't feel much different than cutting up some cheddar with those diamond tips.

The fleur-de-lis are of course the calling card of those who have mastered the dark arts (with the exception of Jon Stamos, that guy is 100% invincible [there Jon, I've mentioned you, will you quit living in my rhododendron bush?]) and the cheddar cheese wheel will allow you passage through the rat chambers.

When you get past the rat kingdom, start lighting large paper fires to smoke out any lingering mice. The smoke should make your eyes burn, if it doesn't you are a harbinger of the apocalypse.

As the master of the dark arts welcome you and your cheese wheel, salute them with the "once around and double back, in my sock and up the stack". Reach down between your legs, tie your shoe laces together, attempt a back flip from the kneeling position and land on your neck, making a sock fall off and your nose bleed. They will respect this, though their cloaks may smell otherwise.

Within their left cloak pocket, is a tiny cylinder of titanium. Kiss their wretched, filthy boots, once on each toe and they will transmit a lifetime supply of titanium into your lead pencil.

Source(s):

You think Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker was a mockumentary? Think again.

Why wouldn't this happen?

Why doesn't this work?
H2O + NaCl --> HCl + Na2O ---
basically...
water and salt yields, acid + soda ---

and if this is a stupid question,
please dont state that it is, say why it is.


Dearest and Kindest, gentlest and dangerest Ben.

When we are young we're so full of uninhibited queries. The burden of this world has yet to rear its fearsome mandibles and inject our souls with the rancid venom of bitterness, self-doubt, self-loathing and jaded restraint. This can be good and bad. On one hand we're boundless and free to diligently seek out the limitless information to be acquired through academic pursuit, and the forum of ideals. On the other hand we fear our own lack of boundaries, and Find ourselves approaching issues from a negative perspective. Let's take your first question as an example:

"Why wouldn't this happen?"

I'll give you one good reason. You've already determined that it not happening is a possibility. Why would you castrate your question's only feeble attempt at being, by giving it a negative connotation from the start. Instead of asking why something would not, instead, why not ask why not something would not? Why ask something if it wouldn't not happen? Why not give it a chance by asking it why it would?

"Why wouldn't this not happen?"
"Why is this happening?"
"What is this that is this is happening?"
"What isn't happening conversely speaking?"
"Why doesn't this workn't?"

Next, you've created some sort of code. but I think I can discern what you mean. This is not an IM window, so my fractals can't run, but you said "Hit You in the nickles results in hickies and nuptials" Stay away from women, no matter what your nickels want. Your nickles know what you want but your necklace knows what you need. Listen to the necklace. Install the fractals on it so it can translate your IM window, and women will most likely stay away from you. If not upgrade the fractals by laying on your kitchen table.

Why it is.

Source(s): Please kill me.

Snakes

Football fans please explaine me....?

What is clean sheets in football.when some player choose for cleane sheets.THX

From one Laundromat enthusiast to another, I welcome you with a downy-soft shake of my flat sheets in a warm summer zephyr.

My mother was the first to help me with cleaning sheets. "Buy yellow" she always told me. If interested, you can read a few more of her landro-dotes along with tens, if not dozens of interesting ways to clean lint traps and dye all of your son's white undershirts pink the first weekend I came to visit you from college, in my new book, "My Mother, the Washing Machine: An Appliance-First Memoir".

Now, football sheets can be the worst. I knew a couple of little football playing sheets (and their girlfriends) while enrolled at Dartmouth who liked nothing more than locking kids in dorm garbage chutes just because their mothers may or may not have dyed their white undershirts pink. Who's laughing now, Rachel Dratch?

Anyhow, let's get down to getting some player choosed.

First, we'll need to chose teams. To be fair, we'll enlist the help of our old laundry pal: Woolite. Have all of your potential teammates take a swig of this stuff, and START YOUR GARGLES! first to have his knees buckle is going to be the last picked, so let's see how tough our football sheets really are.

Second: Empty a chest of drawers of all contents. Fill it with your dirty sheets and one by one, have your potential football team spit their woolite into the drawer.

Threed: Sew your pants closed at the knee and put them back on, don't push the drawer of sheet closed yet or you'll never fall over and knock yourself out.

Fourcond: Install roller coaster tycoon 3 (or the cool one with a waterpark) onto your computer. this thing has some amazing features (talking about the game, not your 3rd generation tandy that you're trying to pass as a laptop), don't forget to order more umbrellas for the kiosks, those are an easy sell.

Fived: Hi-five all your football sheet friends but not before they'll dumped a gatorade cooler of bleach, water, orange juice, tomato paste, lemon zest, squash juice and gas into your sheet drawer.

Six: Pick up chest of drawers and shake, this will allow the fundamental muscles of your lower back to rip out of place.

Se7en: Install "Wash Cycle" knob and "Temperature" knob.

For the wash cycle knob, take your father's bike (here's hoping it's not a tandem) down to the railroad tracks and await a train. when the train approaches, lay the bike over the left most track and secure with a series of spot welds. have the train cut off the bell, left front pedal, left back pedal, grocery basket and water bottle holder. The engineers are usually nice guys who will be happy to back their trains over any parts they may have missed. it's a precise art and they are precision-ers.

fill the grocery basket with cheer and the water bottle with fabric softner or dryer sheets. it will automatically dispense. take the pedals back to your father and let him know that someone had to sacrifice their bike to get this sheet clean, thank him for being a patriot and hero to the cause. if you mention the magazines you found in the grocery basket, he'll probably skip the whole punishment phase of your relationship.

cut a hole in the front of the drawer and using the best thermometer in the house (check washing machine and dryer for a gold mine of gently used parts), push it through the hole and into the sheety part of the washer. Oh, should have mentioned, you'll need to steal someone's voice and basic brain functionality in order to have the thermometer report back to you on the sheety cleaning conditions it's experiencing.

Ate: snake the garden hose in through the window and fill up the washer.

Nine: allow to sit for a few days, it's running on a super gentle cycle and shouldn't be disturbed. just let that hose run and run and run and you'll have the cleanest sheets you've ever seen.

Note: you may find a need to wash sheets every morning due to the urinish dew your body insists on depositing in your bed during the overnight hours. not a problem, simply add the new sheet to the old sheets in your clean sheet drawer.

How does the old bread and vinegar trick work to get out old smells from wood?

I did this once but I cant remember how I did it, a bowl a vinegar with a piece of bread laying in the drawer or if I soaked the bread in vinegar then put it in the drawer? Anyone know what I am trying to do?

I've often looked at my reflection in the mirror while asking myself: "what did you forget to do today thaddeus?". i never answer because my name is not thaddeus. however, i will answer you.

to start, i forgot to let my clothes soak in vinegar. i often forget to remember the simplest things. next thing you know, you're fifteen minutes late for work and this plastic bag filled with gold spray paint is dry already. now i'm four hours late for work and every time my neighbor runs his microwave, i drop to all fours and fill my drawers with something that smells much worse than vinegar.

but i digest.

now to get that smell out of your wood, pick a pack of pickled peppers from your local apothecary. dress them up like tiny ballerinas. there should be a goblin manning the register, let them sit and dance on his stool (he won't mind, he hates sitting and if i know a goblin [i do] he probably hates you as well) while you quickly pick a pack of your rearend over to the hardware store.

buy a propane torch and screwdriver. in the parking lot, melt off the handle of the screwdriver and get that metal portion pliable. don't wear any sort of gloves as the metal will be sticky. form a circle out of the screwdriver shaft, place in pocket and leg it back to the apothecary.

good, you made it. the peppers will have tired themselves out enough to be coaxed into your coat pocket. head home.

take the old wood you have in your home and place it out of doors using the drywall method (you must pass it through solid drywall in order to get it fully out of your house, not following this technique could allow ghost residue to form on your outer conundrum, that is to say your essence of being as the duke of essex.

take an axe to your pieces of wood. get them into a more manageable splinter size. you'll now need to create a dragonfly statue out of the splinters. glue is not an option.

once complete, the wingspan should be 10 to 100 feet in width. douse with vinegar and that juice that forms when horseradish sits too long and maybe some old apple juice that you left out in the sun for six months. now, begin to rub gasoline (petrol) onto the dragonfly's joints and arteries to get his juices flowing (flaming). as soon as he begins to flap his wings, set the screwdriver halo on his head and watch as he spontaneously combusts. the screams of agony may be the ghosts leaving his body but there's a good chance that you have a 1/8 acre city lot and the once not burning wings of the dragonfly had expanded through the window of a neighbor's home. don't worry, i don't think splinter mache is a crime in any city.

as said dragonfly burns, a series of runes will appear on his upper appendage. they will be written in either runes or something else you don't understand. write them down and commit them to memory using this hardly handy phonetic device:

a word is a bird is a thing.
a song is a crow is a piece of dirt in my slipper.
all dogs eat grass.
my sister spat six pennies at a penniless homeless.
soup kitchen, mister refrigerator.
i have a blood blister.
my last eyeball was a soccer dream of distant underground urinals.

now translate the runes into coptic while using an eyedropper to fill your tear ducts with vinegar. as you begin to cry, catch your vinegar tears on a piece of bread. as the bread become soggy, mush it into the dragonfly fire ash and then form it into a glove ( a little something i like to call the old vinegar and bread trick). using your carbon fiber glove, grab your tongue and recite the runes in coptic using that handy phonetic device i mentioned earlier.

i think this may be a good start.

and no, you win. i have no idea what you're trying to do.

Source(s):

a dragonfly bit that piece of skin between my thumb and forefinger about 17 years ago. he may have escaped but his ghost won't.

what r fibonacchi numbers and how do they relate to life and physics and biology--if they even do at all??

Which r fibbonacchi numbers?

I'll tell you.

first let me fix your question(s).

What r fibbonacchi numbers?

Well I'd like to talk about the ones that you've been keeping wrapped in a napkin, buried in your backyard by the crooked tree that withered for some mysterious reason, the day before you dug the hole underneath. Will those r fibbonacchi numbers do?

And how?

You exasperate my diabolical facilities.

Do they relate to life and physics and biology?

It depends. By they do you mean these questions, r fibonacchi numbers, or something else entirely? I might suggest a few things you should have meant. 1) The overuse of conjunctions in modern english 2) The world object of probability created by the organism your soul inhabits on a daily basis. (Do you have the slightest concept of your true potential?) 3) Your Lynard Skynard collection.

--if they even do at all??

When faced this question I usually answer: Please recall the falderal, that you removed from Satan's wall. He will surely take it back, and leave you in want for what you lack.


Source(s): Fibonacci is my co-pilot.

Ding-Dong, there's the doorbell.

how many pesos are in an american dollar?

Welcome to the side show, Bob.

There is a very easy (RE: difficult) way to determine what you're looking for. Pesos, while difficult to spot in the average American dollar, aren't impossible (sp?) to root out with the proper tools and a little bit of patience (patients) and sweet love (lovin').

First off you're going to need to get some of these good old American dollars. I would suggest possibly building some of your own out of Clorox bleach, wood chips, parts from a 1987 Firebird and some Pesos. If you aren't that ambitious, you're in the wrong game here pal. I might suggest you move down to a kinder league.

Take the Pesos and glue them together using the muffler from the Firebird. Make sure you are wearing the steering wheel around your neck and have one of the headlights shoved into your mouth, trying to make it shine with your slightly acidic saliva. (Eat some fruit before starting as some fruit does create electricity) Now, paint a firebird on your chest with a mixture of your own saliva, the Clorox bleach and leftover motor oil and other fluids found in the Firebird.

Now if you press the Pesos lightly into the wood chips, they will begin to resonate in the Violet Chakra. This is the key of B. This is how the early stone masons who founded our country (and also our shadow country in the 8th dimension) created the first great American dollar, that went on to spawn the rest of our glorious currency.

Now hold up your new dollar to the light, stare at it until you begin to see words forming inside the other words printed on the surface. If you've done this correctly they should spell out "U.S.S.R."

Now, just try and tell me the cold war is over.

Source(s): Look behind you.

Pancho & Lefty

How to watch a paper view fight online for free?

Terry, I'm glad to help.

Getting paper to sit still long enough to allow you to watch it watch a fight can be a real task. I'll assume the fight is still in limbo, so let's put some bait out there for our college ruled friend.

Grab a couple of neighborhood kids (not literally) and get some real brawls going. Don't forget to put the tape in the video recorder before starting. Maybe record a couple of extra copies, get them out there and market them as "Boy Fights"? Could be a real money maker.

Unwind the cassette, and hang it from your clothes line (as for cementing that into place, see my answer to the "How can I keep my bathwater warm for more than 10 minutes" question). As the fight replays, set out some pencils or even graphite shavings to draw our papery friends out from their notebooks and mole skin journals.

Set up camp, it may take a while. Don't even consider sleeping... use heavy doses of coffee, iced coffee, silver spray paint and sleeping pills to keep yourself awake. Additional solutions include holding your eyelids open with toothpicks and painting eyes on the backs of your eyelids. I read somewhere that the Egyptians did that to cheat death.

Within a few weeks, you'll swear to everyone you meet that you once got to watch a paper view fight online FOR FREE. Not like you could put a price on it anyway.

Source(s):
I once ripped a telephone book in half for giving me the skunk eye.