How to wash motor oil off hands?

I was doing some work on my bike and I came in contact with the oil. I tried bar soap and water but some oil is still stuck on.


Mikee! good to hear from you again. Now i've gone weeks with motor oil on my hands and if ever an expert in this field has been born, well...

First things first. You'll want to get some motor oil. I'd suggest lubing up the ole schwinn, get the tires coated, chain of course, handlebars and DON'T FORGET THE SEAT! i like a smooth riding banana seat when i'm pedaling to and fro the local dinner theater. Use your hands and make sure you have a nice oil base worked into your skin before you start on the bike.

Now that you have your hands completely filthy, follow that urge and rub a little into your hair. You know what, just go elbow deep in the stuff. Leave a little for the bike, but really get nice and slimy. Forearms completely covered? Good, here's a history lesson: you've just discovered the origin of elbow grease.

Okay, so the bike's riding a liiiiittle bit squeaky. I'd guess you have a bum chain. Start with a half gallon but don't be afraid to use two or three liters of the good stuff. Now's not the time to get cheap, not with your bike at stake.

Squeak should be taken care of. Be sure you stay away from any sort of lube guns, grease guns, knick-knacks, paddy-whacks, etc. those devices are going to make this whole process much easier and the last thing you want to do is give those raving liberals with their left-leaning agendas, something to talk about back at their dope smoking communes.

Next: start working on the kick stand. i've recommended removing them in the past (useless product, weighs you down and creates huge wind drag) but a great alternative is to make them ineffective. start by soaking your forearms in a bathtub of oil. let them sit overnight if necessary. you should begin to feel nauseated and possibly pass out due to the toxins entering your blood. steady yourself by holding onto the pink handlebar streamers, use your hands to wipe the "wuss" from your eyes and get to work on that kick stand.

make sure the joint of the kick stand has been rendered completely useless. it should be so coated with oil (reapply to hands and arms NOW) that you are unable to properly sturdy your bicycle with it.

guess what? Bike's fixed!

now to fix that motor oil problem. first of all, grab an egg from the fridge. first dozen or so tries might be tricky but someone should come along and clean up that yoke at some point. what are floors for anyway? smash the eggs against your ears and then collect the following ingredients from your home.

1. grass clippings (20 gallon trash bag full)
2. motor oil (grab another 2 or 3 liters of the good stuff)
3. something with amethyst in it. wife's earrings, family heirloom, anything
4. porcelain banana tree
5. spice rack (dump out spices before using)

arrange pieces 2-5 around you then take the grass clippings and spread out in an even 4-5 inch layer around your living room. let them sit.

open the motor oil and rub it into your hands and arms, using generous portions. this is the good stuff, so it won't hurt you.

once you've awoken from your six day, oil induced slumber, you should have a bit of a mold problem, what with all that dead grass decaying in your living room. the smell will be an eye-opener and you'll quickly forget what it was like to have functioning leg muscles.

use the amethyst gem in a non-traditional way : make it into a scrying mirror! this will allow you to look into the past or future and see how other civilizations have washed off motor oil. luckily, you will find your answer and have plenty of oil to clean up! so if the first solution works, you can still try other suggestions to clean the motor oil off of your arms, elbows, scalp and marionettes. scramble for that banana tree and establish some balance of reality again. familiar objects help with this when you're dealing with severe blood poisoning.

finally, fill the containers of that spice rack with the grass clippings. creating new spices and cleaning up the living room in a single act! congrats!