Football fans please explaine me....?

What is clean sheets in football.when some player choose for cleane sheets.THX

From one Laundromat enthusiast to another, I welcome you with a downy-soft shake of my flat sheets in a warm summer zephyr.

My mother was the first to help me with cleaning sheets. "Buy yellow" she always told me. If interested, you can read a few more of her landro-dotes along with tens, if not dozens of interesting ways to clean lint traps and dye all of your son's white undershirts pink the first weekend I came to visit you from college, in my new book, "My Mother, the Washing Machine: An Appliance-First Memoir".

Now, football sheets can be the worst. I knew a couple of little football playing sheets (and their girlfriends) while enrolled at Dartmouth who liked nothing more than locking kids in dorm garbage chutes just because their mothers may or may not have dyed their white undershirts pink. Who's laughing now, Rachel Dratch?

Anyhow, let's get down to getting some player choosed.

First, we'll need to chose teams. To be fair, we'll enlist the help of our old laundry pal: Woolite. Have all of your potential teammates take a swig of this stuff, and START YOUR GARGLES! first to have his knees buckle is going to be the last picked, so let's see how tough our football sheets really are.

Second: Empty a chest of drawers of all contents. Fill it with your dirty sheets and one by one, have your potential football team spit their woolite into the drawer.

Threed: Sew your pants closed at the knee and put them back on, don't push the drawer of sheet closed yet or you'll never fall over and knock yourself out.

Fourcond: Install roller coaster tycoon 3 (or the cool one with a waterpark) onto your computer. this thing has some amazing features (talking about the game, not your 3rd generation tandy that you're trying to pass as a laptop), don't forget to order more umbrellas for the kiosks, those are an easy sell.

Fived: Hi-five all your football sheet friends but not before they'll dumped a gatorade cooler of bleach, water, orange juice, tomato paste, lemon zest, squash juice and gas into your sheet drawer.

Six: Pick up chest of drawers and shake, this will allow the fundamental muscles of your lower back to rip out of place.

Se7en: Install "Wash Cycle" knob and "Temperature" knob.

For the wash cycle knob, take your father's bike (here's hoping it's not a tandem) down to the railroad tracks and await a train. when the train approaches, lay the bike over the left most track and secure with a series of spot welds. have the train cut off the bell, left front pedal, left back pedal, grocery basket and water bottle holder. The engineers are usually nice guys who will be happy to back their trains over any parts they may have missed. it's a precise art and they are precision-ers.

fill the grocery basket with cheer and the water bottle with fabric softner or dryer sheets. it will automatically dispense. take the pedals back to your father and let him know that someone had to sacrifice their bike to get this sheet clean, thank him for being a patriot and hero to the cause. if you mention the magazines you found in the grocery basket, he'll probably skip the whole punishment phase of your relationship.

cut a hole in the front of the drawer and using the best thermometer in the house (check washing machine and dryer for a gold mine of gently used parts), push it through the hole and into the sheety part of the washer. Oh, should have mentioned, you'll need to steal someone's voice and basic brain functionality in order to have the thermometer report back to you on the sheety cleaning conditions it's experiencing.

Ate: snake the garden hose in through the window and fill up the washer.

Nine: allow to sit for a few days, it's running on a super gentle cycle and shouldn't be disturbed. just let that hose run and run and run and you'll have the cleanest sheets you've ever seen.

Note: you may find a need to wash sheets every morning due to the urinish dew your body insists on depositing in your bed during the overnight hours. not a problem, simply add the new sheet to the old sheets in your clean sheet drawer.