I Regularly Misspell My Own Name... Regularly

We've gotten a lot of complaints here at Yahoodwinked (now a top ten most visited site as ranked by google patrons searching for the phrase "yahoodwinked"), visitors come to our blog and "don't understand what it is." Well, we have only one stance on this issue. "We can't tell you anything without your name, address and mother's maiden name sent to us in email." Seriously though, go to answers.yahoo.com... do it, now! See all the silly questions? Well we write fitting responses and think it is funny. You should too.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

what do you suggest to level the base on this?

i have a plant stand that is about 60 yrs old.the base has warped a bit so it doesn't set level.the base is 10.5" in diameter and there is a "trough" through the diameter.
what can i apply to fill the trough to make the base level?

First off tsk tsk on letting that 60 year old base warp. I've seen the model you're talking about and a non-warped one will fetch a pretty penny on the stand market. OK enough about me and my "preferences" for perfection, let's get this thing leveled.

Take the stand (no pun intended) and turn it upside down. Now before we get started I want you to secure the following items. You didn't turn the plant stand upside down yet did you? I know I wrote it first, but I assumed you would read the next sentence first. If you already turned it upside down, close this web browser window and forget it. I can't help you... If you weren't like that other guy and didn't turn it upside down, please continue.

First you need to get some very long pieces of aluminum siding caps. These are the caps that aluminum siders put on the corners when putting up the siding. You'll need the kind used on a 2 story house. which should be about 24 feet long

I want you to get 7 of these. Also before getting the siding caps I want you to Get a bottle of glue and put a thick pasting of glue over your eyebrows. Also gather together a small brigade of woodland creatures (mostly chipmunks will do but do have some variety) and then grab 3 other antique pieces of furniture in your house (preferably some kind of hutch and a nice end-table if you have them)

O.k. now I want to tell you I was kidding about the glue, but if you did it anyway I was trying to teach you a lesson about reading ahead a little bit before you do something. Either way you can still proceed with this project. Just don;t lay your head down on the plant stand if you put the glue on. (well, maybe just for a minute)

Now, I want you to take your woodland creature brigade and lock them into the hutch or hutch type piece of furniture you have.. we are going to try to let them "fight it out" in there to get the strongest one for later. Most likely it will be a badger or a Wolverine that wins.

Give the brigade a name before you lock them up so you can have a proper ceremony later for the "losers". Really I look at them all as winners, but I know how the world works.

Some name suggestions:

"Happy Fun Life"
"The Little Rascals"
"Animal Glee Club"
"The Deb-ATE-ors"
"The Dead Meat Darlings"
or my personal favorite...
"The Please let us out of here's"

Now that you've set that into motion, I want you to start constructing a dome like structure out of the aluminum siding caps. You'll need some kind of machine for bending them, although I might suggest you use a trash compactor set for "aluminum cap bending, not crushing" which shouldn't break them.

Bend most of them into arcs, except for 1. This one you will use later.

Once finished your dome, place the plant stand on the top, this will protect it and yourself, from the ferocious badger or wolverine you will be releasing on it later. Precariously balance the remaining siding cap on top of the stand with the 2 remaining pieces of antique furniture balanced on either end.

Now let's clean up the mess in the hutch... Remove the dead tissue of the smaller creatures in the hutch without letting the ferocious live animal go. take this "sludge" and spread it all over the 2 balancing pieces of furniture and yourself.

Use the other siding cap you didn't use earlier to open the door to the hutch while standing atop the dome (aren't you glad you read ahead again?) and hope that the badger or wolverine chooses to jump up on one of the balancing pieces of furniture.

When it does the whole contraption should come plummeting to the ground, and your plant stand should be in pretty good shape. Kill the badger or wolverine in a respectful manner and bury all of the creatures in proper military style.

Glad to help out.

Source(s): Drinks heavily

Taps does not do their lives and deaths justice

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