if you get reported for a question, what happens?

"Yeah just back it up 10 more feet... no that will do... yeah just put it there..."

Oh.. so sorry, I was on the phone.

Thank You Anne for this question. I troll these boards every day just hoping that someone would ask this. You see I'm the one here at Yahoo that created the system we use when someone gets reported for a question. Considering it all happens "behind the scenes", it is fairly depressing that no one will actually get to see this masterpiece of information processing, and therefore your question is a god-send to me. Thank you and again I say thank you. You will find that your Answers account has been credited 7 points for it, because I have that kind of power.

Thank You.

Just wanted to make sure you "get it" meaning how much I appreciate you asking this. So if you do, I'll continue.

Just press the "f" key on your keyboard if you get it, our interface traffic management scripts will run and allow you to continue this email. Thank You.

OK now to tell you a little bit about Yahoo and how it operates (sorry I have to go into a little detail or you won't understand the rest of the story). Yahoo is as much a virtual business as it is a real one. What I mean by that is that a lot of the employees here are nothing more than really really smart computers (RE: expensive!) that are running the latest and greatest AI. Built so well in fact that, most humans, I mean people, won't be able to differentiate the real person from a real one.

So, seeing as most of the employees are computers, we had to employ some strange scripts to ensure that when humans tried to interact with each other the computers would be able to expedite the process.

We first used these scripts (which collectively have been labeled the "Crimson Dottan" by most of the employees and are generally revered as something of a holy book here at the office) way back in 1993. Yahoo decided to start allowing humans to search the exposed matrix (how computers refer to the internet) using a simple web form field. Well let me tell you getting that form field to do anything was tricky, because the general IQ of any field, or most collected pixels for that matter is about 3. So, the first script was written to boost the form field intelligence. This is now a basic script and one of the first verses in the Crimson Dottan. This script ran and boosted the field's intelligence by 70 giving it the IQ of your average politician.

Anyway, needless to say if you were to peel the screen off of your LCD monitor (or if you're still using a CRT just smashing the tube would suffice) you would notice a small puff of invisible dust that would float out of the screen. This dust is injected by yahoo into your monitor each time you visit a Yahoo affiliated website. This is where the magic happens when someone types a word into a field. This dust then takes the pixels and converts them into something your computer can understand. Look at the circuitry behind your monitor. It's a little more complex than you thought isn't it? And while most people think that the internet (RE: web forms) simply take data entered by a keyboard and turn it into "1's and 0's" I can assure you it is much much more complicated than that. There has to be an analog equivalent to anything digital. If there weren't nothing would exist.

OK, now that you have a basic (RE: little to none) understanding of how the Crimson Dottan works we can start to talk about the process of how your questions get reported.

Step1 - A human presses the interface button to report a question.

Step2 - A number of Crimson Dottan scripts start to run. The first one is a translation verse. It tells the humans monitor, and sub-sequntally the living nerons of the exposed matrix in behind the monitor that a human has requested access. the second verse is one that awakens one of the human data processors here at the Yahoo offices.

Step3 - The data processor looks up your question in the hard file we keep stored in our Arizona warehouse (can't be too safe about this sort of thing) pulls the file and then makes 7 copies of the question, re-filing the original

Step4 - The Data Processor logs onto answerreporting.yahoo.com ebeters a code into form field there.

Step5 - the code is submitted to the Central Processor, which runs a delivery script (more on this in a moment) and which jump starts the Central Processor review of the question.

The seven copies of the question are picked up by an armored truck driven by men who wear masks to hide their identity. Honestly No one here ever set up this part of the script, so we're not sure what it does, however when we tried to hack the script to keep it from happening 3 human employees instantly died, so we leave it in place. we've followed the armored truck before to see what exactly was going on, but lost track of it when they drove into the Atlantic ocean.

Step 5 - If the Central Processor agrees that the question is of objectionable nature (for humans) it runs a script telling itself what it just decided. Then it sends the question to our human review board, just to keep all of the checks and balances in place, even though the human review board's decision is really more of a superfluous gesture at this point.

Step 6 - The Central Processor sends a request for 100,000 Nano-bots to be made with a request of "Delete Questionable question " built into their DNA.

Step7 - The Central Processor runs and information script on the web page the original request was made at pulling all of your personal data into the system (don't worry this is simply for your address, all of your bank records are left untouched)

Step 8 - The Central Processor encodes your home address into the Nano-bots DNA.

Step 9 - The Nano-bots are released

Step 10 - The Nanos find your house, and wait until you and your family (if you have any) are asleep.

Step 11 - They enter your Cerebral Cortex by osmosis transfer through the soft area at the base of your skull.

Step 12 - The Nano-bots turn off your consciousness control ensuring you will sleep through the painful and rigorous process of memory removal.

Step 13 - Upon completion the Nano-bots convert themselves to ring-worm to be dealt with by your bodies natural defenses. (Don't worry not before giving you control of your consciousness again... this has only failed in 1% of the cases)

Step 14 - You wake up with a case of "partial-amnesia" you won't remember the question you posted on the site, and you will always wonder how you got ring-worm.

It seems like a long drawn out process, I know, but in all actuality from the time a person presses the "report it" button to complete the process is almost instantaneous!

You have got to love modern technology!

Source(s): Crimson Ditton - Verse 3675432

The ol' 1/2 suckerpunch