What does fashists mean?

uh i dont even know if i spelled it right but like when people call cops fashists pigs or whatever what does it mean?

"HEY CHUCK, RIGHT HERE... YEAH, AWSIDE YER WINDA... THROW ME THEMS KEYS FROM YA COUNTA..."

I'll get to your question in a second, just trying to convince my neighbor to throw me his keys so I can borrow his car for the night.

"CHUCK, TOSS ME YA KEYS. NEEDS 'EM FOR ME APARTMENT. THAT FINGER'S NOT HELPING ME CHUCK... JUST TOSS THEMS KEYS"

alright, i'll wait for this knucklehead to have a few more drinks before I just "homeless-ize" his driver's side window. so you want to know about fashists?

yeah, you spelled that right. i'd like to start this examination with a quick run through your punk records. ok, so you've got green day, but i said punk. so grab your agnostic front lps and maybe some dead kennedys and maybe some bad religion. now, one of the guys in one of those bands made it through middle school and wrote a really amazing song called "fashist funks (spell check!) get off my chick (may have been chicken)"

main idea? yeah you guessed it: high fashion. nobody likes high fashion like punk rockers and nobody is more jealous of punk rockers than cops and their swine livestock.

so i'd say, buy some seven for all mankind jeans and spend a few days bragging to your friends about how much you paid. wait for a week or two as your friends begin to purchase the same jeans. immediately burn yours in the garage (if your dad loves you, he keeps the gas handy) and casually mention how you wear wranglers and a Kangol hat if you wear anything, the next time your friends stop over with their seven's on.

that's fashism, duh.

The Haymaker

Source(s):
I have never taken a shower and I think this ball chain necklace is officially taking on bone-like characteristics beneath my skin. Who here likes early Offspring?

I have a bike but can I get a stand for it so I can use it in doors to exercise?

The weather round here is not conjucive to riding a bikes always windy and rarely fine.

Not a tough solution. You'll need a bike, bike helmet, some vanilla pudding and the key to a chest at the bottom of a well.

To conjuicivly solve your little mishap, begin by filling a water bottle with the pudding. Heap the left overs into the bike helmet and place it on your head, firmly securing the chin snap between your teeth.

Find a room in your house with a locking door. Preferably, the door will be very sturdy and made of wood or titanium. Test the doors strength by head-butting it into submission (remove helmet to prevent damage), if after 20 hits the door is still standing, it wins and is worthy of remaining wherever it is.

Get onto your bike, which should now be positioned at the furthest point from the locked door. Take off the helmet (make sure you have it on with the chin strap bit securely fastened while wheeling your bike into the house, do NOT allow the chin strap to move around between your teeth.. bite down hard and get into that lock jaw/TMJ persona) and drop the key into the pudding and spoon it into your mouth, swallowing it on the first try.

Now, in order to open that chest with those mysterious scrolls, you'll need to get that key out of your stomach. Toss the helmet to the floor, arch your back and point the crown of your skull to the door (this is called "lining it up"). Pedal at top speed until your crown connects with the wood ( you may attempt to hit the previously headbutted area). You may not feel anything right away, but to be fair, you have been pedaling in doors. Now watch as the door may triple or quadruple itself before your very eyes as a way of saying "none shall pass this threshold without a key". BUT, when you come to, a salivomital mixture of saliva and vomit should be covering your shirt. check your pockets and you should find that key to the secret chest at the bottom of the well. since the door didn't specify what kind of key was need to pass through the threshold, you'll outsmart him a bit by pulling the map of Honduras from your wallet and showing him the "key" found in the bottom right hand corner.

work your way through the door and outside to the round weather station. as you noted, the excess wind will cause the well to float the chest to the top of the air current and you can grab those mysterious scrolls without much effort.

Source(s):

Regularly ride my bike in doors.

How do i put yahoo or named company in my book?

i writing a book. and wanna put yahoo in it.. not going to put how i exactly want to put it but.,..

"But according to Yahoo i got an answer that was 66% top pick as the right one, but didn't like it."

Plessy v. Furgeson set the precedent on cases like this, but I never recommend getting involved in something unless you can thoroughly comprehend what the name of it means. Face it, Plessy v. Furgeson is nonsense babbling.

I finding it admirable that you have written a book. I also commending that you hold so tightly to the Hindenburg that is printed media, and refuse to allow it to be impossible to put an entire internet search site into said incompatible media. I like your kutspah kid, so let's see what we can do about getting the website into that book. (I think I'll leave the process of getting named company into the book to someone else. I used to work at 'named' so I think there is a conflict of interest there)

Hey, well since this has never been done before, I'm basically going to make up this entire process on the spot. What really ticks me off is that you're probably going to write my ideas off from the get-go, just because no one has ever been successful (or possibly even attempted) putting a website into a book, but I just want to remind you that everyone thought Alexander Graham Bell was mad when he suggested people could transmit beams of energy through wax paper, and that Copernicus was a loony for even suggesting that planets had reproductive systems, and we all see how that turned out. Take a chance on this one Bert, let's make some history, and get you in the record books.

First, I think we need to take these two drastically different technologies (a book and an internet search engine) and make them more similar. Start by printing out as many pages as you can find on yahoo.com. I know they have sub pages and sub-sub pages so make sure to search for all of them at google.com and then print out each one. I'd suggest printing out at least a novelette, preferably a novel size of your book, if not 1.2 degrees the size of it.

Next, convert your book into a blog of some sort. I think yahoo offers some kind of free blog, which would be great because then you would be adding more pages to Yahoo for the next time you print out the site.

Now that we've taken one step toward converting these two drastically different technologies into some sort of the same technology let's do this repeatedly. You might want to throw a "technology converting" party and invite some friends over to help.

Take the new book of Yahoo and convert it to a yahoo blog, including the new blog you set up of your original book. Also don't forget to take the new blog of your book and start printing it out along with the other new pages of yahoo your find on google, you might also want to bring alta vista into play here.

I would continue this process until your apartment if filled with stacks of paper and it is hard to get around. The internet probably won't be full yet, so you'll still be able to get around inside of it ok.

You'll want to start renting a new apartment in your building every month to keep up the pace of conversion. Don't think about costs right now! The Wright brothers were bankrupt when they invented the first bicycle and Tripoli so when they crashed their first airplane, and yet they made it onto one of the new quarters.

Continue the conversion process until you have made enough friends to sustain your original apartment building as well as the 3 adjunct ones you now own (preferably on the same city block).

I would make some good connections with both Mead paper company (I believe they are based in Columbus Ohio, so consider having your city block transported there) as well as Yahoo themselves (this can be accomplished by telecommute I'm certain). If you can somehow infiltrate the board of each company and get them to merger, I think you'll have made a huge stride. If you get enough shares in Meadhoo you might be able to hand off the book / blog conversion to their R&D department, and you can either retire to the Yucatan, or pursue some of the other impossible concepts you've been throwing around in your head (however, I'm leaning towards 1) Getting retired racing dogs integrated into designer fabrics or 2) Replacing the moon with a musical number or 3) Making human words physically tangible)

Make sure to take credit for the new invention when they finally do it!

Good luck! I'll expect greatness from you and you'll at least deliver goodness.

Good Night!

Source(s): Yahoo can pick your answers, but only you can pick your destiny.

Whaling Wall

Can anyone help me to stop my comp Internet connection from stopping?

It does nor disconnect, it just stops. The door is open, but data is coming in. I cant even force it to. I have even unplugged the phone line before, for 5 hours once, and it never tried to bring in any info. It did no even know that the phone line was not connected.
It still tried to send out data (probably spywere) but never tried to bring any in. It never realized the connection was missing.
I know it is not a virus, but I don’t know what it is or how to fix it.
I can’t even disconnect so I can redial. It just stops total ( except the spywere)
A lot of times, I actually have to reboot my computer to fix it. Usually 6 or 7 time a day

I like to keep these on a professional basis, so I won't be calling you like I did last time. I know it was wrong no, and you were obviously less interesting than your profile started to start stating. And I also realize that calling back for 5 hours until you plugged the line in again, I will also stop stop doing.

Getting that out of the way, I have multiple answers for this question, but I think I'll stick to one... maybe two, of the same answer, just worded differently. I've been taken advantage of way too many times, repeatedly in the same way, on this site and people just don't to appreciate multiple answers anymore even if their questions warrant and call for them over and over.

First off and to answer your initial question, no one can help your internet connection start, especially If it already does, nor disconnects (which I think is saying the same thing twice, redundantly).

Secondly, start starting to close the door. You may think data has stopped starting to come in, but what you don't realize is that the data has been stopped from starting, and closing the door should start it from its stopped position in the start lane of your ajar portal. There is nothing you can do to force data (especially data that were spies), so stop trying to start stopping it.

Thirdly, Phone lines don't exactly no things now. The most any phone line can actually no is that you are trying to place a call (you'll notice it start to stop ringing when it no's you have connected and are pulling in the conversation) but they have been unable to pull in the info since the phone companies stopped them. I agree the line may have have never realized that the connection was missing... again phone lines aren't too bright... You may be thinking of tungsten because I have seen it used to be very bright up to a starting point of 60 watts and stating to stop around 100 watts if your door is open and maybe more if the door is pulling in the info, or forced to.

Fourthly if you don't know what it is or how to fix it, don't give up until you don't know at least 8 time a day. I see you are giving up on 6 or 7 time, and you call these a lot of times, but I've been connect to a line for under 4 time before and still gotten my to where my spies aren't stopped. I would seriously just start to start the door closed and probably leave my apartment. I've left my apartment 9 to 12 time and when I get back a day has gone by and the comp internet is rebuilt and I can get down to starting getting down to stop starting again.

Source(s): The Roman Empire under Ceaser Ramirez

Eskimo Cakes

Where do I deduct?

I am a college student and in the past I have deducted my books. Where do I do that? Do I add it to my tuition or is there some where else I add it?

Christina? Hey it's Sam. We met once at a party about 9 months ago, well 8 months and 24 days ago. You were at the keg with a guy named Brian or something? I heard he accidentally put commercial bonding compound on his retainers and can't remove them from his mouth now and when he woke up he slipped on the ball bearings (sounds like a friggin' terrorist to me) he'd left on the floor next to his bed and is learning to walk again... probably won't want to strike that relationship up again, am I right?

Anyhow, I think you and I made eye contact for about 12 seconds (not positive on the time, my calculator watch was using a traditional battery back then, upgraded to a D08Z lithium now, try to tell me fractions don't look beautiful on this thing. I took it into RadioShack two days ago and the guy was like... well, story for another time) when I'd kinda gotten my livestrong bracelet stuck on the tap. Chance meeting huh? Well, pretty cool anyhow. Glad we could share that and I can't believe we met up like this. It only took 8 months too! how weird! It's like our number huh? so cool, we should celebrate 8 month anniversaries or something? *kuaackkkk* give me a second, I think that should have stayed in my throat... *kchhchhhhhh* be right back, this is definitely a non-removable bodypart trying to deduct itself from my tonsil area.

wow, that sucked. almost as bad as the time i accidentally drained half a keg onto your leg at that party.

WOW, well let's talk tuition.

Head over the bookstore and get the plastic out. Just buy one of everything, public universities will get your cash one way or another so you'll probably end up taking most general undergrad courses in the next 7 years of collegiate schooling.

You'll need to do some serious deductions after every class. Take notes in the margins of your book to save paper. When you get home (still over there on Shelton Ave?), deduct from the books, all of the pages with info you learned. run them under cold water (retains chemical balance of paper) and then shred them with toenail clippers. DEDUCTED!

Now add the cost of the toenail clippers to your tuition, subtract (more like subject, am i right?) yourself and a lifetime of commitment. take that number and place it under your pillow at night. when you wake in the morning (ignore the fog on your window, probably stray cats breathing on the panes while you sleep) there will be an anvil in place of the number.

Now if you add the removal of this maritime (more like merrytime, am i right?) device to your tuition costs, you'll see the importance of dating in college. How many kids did you want? I'm thinking four, nice round number. Talk to you soon.

Where can I find props from the movie Carrie?

Please feel free to sit down, this is going to take a little bit of explaining, but I think in the end you'll be happy with the results. The key here is to keep an open mind.

First of all, I find it vaguely egocentric of you to need props from the movie Carrie. You kids and your "street language" back in my day everyone wanted "mad props" from movies like "Nosferatu" and "My Little Ponies" now it is all about Carrie this and Carrie that...but I guess it is just a sign of the changing times...and I'm off subject.

The first thing you will need to do is find no less than 7 elderly men playing checkers. It can be more than that, but you'll need them to be an odd number so if you have 8 of them, throw some cupcakes and whoever is still limber enough to pick them up can stay behind. I hope you're writing this down, I hate repeating myself.

Step two is to take the men to the bait and tackle shop...they will need to know how to imitate a large mouth bass so please warn then up front so they can pratice. Once inside find the nearest set of leftover "Thriller" albums and shuffle through them until you are looking at the 3rd from the bottom of the stack. At this point the old men should be giving each other pats on the back for being so good at imitating bass...let them have their fun.

This step is very important: do NOT play the "Thriller" album! Instead you'll need to sing to it gently. It really doesn't matter what you sing, but you do need to sound a little seductive or at least sound close enough to seductive as to lull the album into a false sense of security. As the LP falls slowly in love with you, find it's weakness and exploit it. You'll have to move quickly, those old men won't fool anyone for long!

Now the album will tell you the location of "the key". Once that happens tell the album that you really think of it more like a brother and that you want to see other people. Don't let those tears fool you, the album has been cheating on you all along with Richard Simmon's Sweatin' to the Oldies.

Now run, run like there are several cranky old men after you. At this point there probably will be because the old men don't like to be left standing there looking like large mouth bass when they could've eaten the muffins you gave to Mr.McHipReplacement.

The crowd of enraged geriatrics will serve as proper cover for you to sneak into the secret location and steal "the key". It looks vaguely like the mole on David Hasslehoff's left man ankle. Grab it quickly and stuff it into your pants. You can now throw any muffins you have at the elderly men and let them go on their merry way. You may hand out your phone number though in case you are putting on that stage version of the Discovery Channel's coverage of large mouth bass in lower Manhattan.

Place the key into the sacred door located in the paint aisle of most hardware stores. Look behind "Fuchsia Sunrise" or "Chartreuse Daydream". Now walk inside the door and there will be your maiden. Walk up to the movie Carrie and say the magic word...usually something like "look I made it!"

You'll get mad props for sure.

Source(s):

gathered from the memoirs of several large mouth bass

How do write this in algebra???

there are 8 more 5 dollar bills than 1 dollar blls...... thnx:D

Okay, before I start you'll need to install your algebra font. I'm assuming you're using Pythagorean OS with a Euclidian output drive. Just open your five key and add your eight key to your USB port. Put your mouth riiiight next to the cd drive and whisper the secrets of the universe into that blinking red light. As it continues to blink, pour some orange juice onto your keyboard. Allow a few minutes for your computer to completely soak in this freshly squeezed knowledge and you'll soon see the font appear in a series of odd numbers (it'll make sense once you finish reading this, if they are even numbers or top heavy fractions... stand back) and beeps.

Bam, font installed. I make it a point to install this font on everyone's computer. Kinda like a calling card I leave at dinner parties, baby showers and whatever else. Next thing you know, Jaime's wife is on the horn to thank you "so "x=-y+7" much for doing this to our only computer". it's the gift that keeps on dividing itself by zero.

Now to get some dollar bills. Plant a penny in your lawn and sprinkle some dimes, green dye, freshly picked cotton, laminate finishing dyes, a few pairs of seven for all mankind jeans, as many neiman marcus catalogs as your poor arms can afford, a sports car and the broken dreams of capitalism on top. Nothing can grow without fertilizer.

As your dollar tree begins to grow, weep beneath it every day and allow your tears of agony soak into it's strong root system. nothing is better for money growth and potential earnings than patheticism.

You'll soon need to pollinate your tree's buds by chewing each one individually, swallowing and regurgitating them as liquid funds.

Sometimes you'll find a bird has landed in your tree and started a nest and within that conglomeration of hair, twigs and your shammy cloth is an egg. Shoot the bird and smash the eggs. No one wants that in their portfolio. Seems like a giant waste of time and my money tree.

Anyhow, if you've been regurgitating the buds correctly, you should end up with mainly five dollar bills. to see this algebraically, spill another glass of orange juice onto your keyboard. you may want to open up the back of your cpu and drop a knowledge bomb of A1 steak sauce in there as well. just something to get the juices flowing more juicily in your computer's membrane.

Source(s):
Mono(-o+ey)tony is just a long way of saying "I'm rich".

Call me old-fashioned, but gold teeth don't depreciate.

if you get reported for a question, what happens?

"Yeah just back it up 10 more feet... no that will do... yeah just put it there..."

Oh.. so sorry, I was on the phone.

Thank You Anne for this question. I troll these boards every day just hoping that someone would ask this. You see I'm the one here at Yahoo that created the system we use when someone gets reported for a question. Considering it all happens "behind the scenes", it is fairly depressing that no one will actually get to see this masterpiece of information processing, and therefore your question is a god-send to me. Thank you and again I say thank you. You will find that your Answers account has been credited 7 points for it, because I have that kind of power.

Thank You.

Just wanted to make sure you "get it" meaning how much I appreciate you asking this. So if you do, I'll continue.

Just press the "f" key on your keyboard if you get it, our interface traffic management scripts will run and allow you to continue this email. Thank You.

OK now to tell you a little bit about Yahoo and how it operates (sorry I have to go into a little detail or you won't understand the rest of the story). Yahoo is as much a virtual business as it is a real one. What I mean by that is that a lot of the employees here are nothing more than really really smart computers (RE: expensive!) that are running the latest and greatest AI. Built so well in fact that, most humans, I mean people, won't be able to differentiate the real person from a real one.

So, seeing as most of the employees are computers, we had to employ some strange scripts to ensure that when humans tried to interact with each other the computers would be able to expedite the process.

We first used these scripts (which collectively have been labeled the "Crimson Dottan" by most of the employees and are generally revered as something of a holy book here at the office) way back in 1993. Yahoo decided to start allowing humans to search the exposed matrix (how computers refer to the internet) using a simple web form field. Well let me tell you getting that form field to do anything was tricky, because the general IQ of any field, or most collected pixels for that matter is about 3. So, the first script was written to boost the form field intelligence. This is now a basic script and one of the first verses in the Crimson Dottan. This script ran and boosted the field's intelligence by 70 giving it the IQ of your average politician.

Anyway, needless to say if you were to peel the screen off of your LCD monitor (or if you're still using a CRT just smashing the tube would suffice) you would notice a small puff of invisible dust that would float out of the screen. This dust is injected by yahoo into your monitor each time you visit a Yahoo affiliated website. This is where the magic happens when someone types a word into a field. This dust then takes the pixels and converts them into something your computer can understand. Look at the circuitry behind your monitor. It's a little more complex than you thought isn't it? And while most people think that the internet (RE: web forms) simply take data entered by a keyboard and turn it into "1's and 0's" I can assure you it is much much more complicated than that. There has to be an analog equivalent to anything digital. If there weren't nothing would exist.

OK, now that you have a basic (RE: little to none) understanding of how the Crimson Dottan works we can start to talk about the process of how your questions get reported.

Step1 - A human presses the interface button to report a question.

Step2 - A number of Crimson Dottan scripts start to run. The first one is a translation verse. It tells the humans monitor, and sub-sequntally the living nerons of the exposed matrix in behind the monitor that a human has requested access. the second verse is one that awakens one of the human data processors here at the Yahoo offices.

Step3 - The data processor looks up your question in the hard file we keep stored in our Arizona warehouse (can't be too safe about this sort of thing) pulls the file and then makes 7 copies of the question, re-filing the original

Step4 - The Data Processor logs onto answerreporting.yahoo.com ebeters a code into form field there.

Step5 - the code is submitted to the Central Processor, which runs a delivery script (more on this in a moment) and which jump starts the Central Processor review of the question.

The seven copies of the question are picked up by an armored truck driven by men who wear masks to hide their identity. Honestly No one here ever set up this part of the script, so we're not sure what it does, however when we tried to hack the script to keep it from happening 3 human employees instantly died, so we leave it in place. we've followed the armored truck before to see what exactly was going on, but lost track of it when they drove into the Atlantic ocean.

Step 5 - If the Central Processor agrees that the question is of objectionable nature (for humans) it runs a script telling itself what it just decided. Then it sends the question to our human review board, just to keep all of the checks and balances in place, even though the human review board's decision is really more of a superfluous gesture at this point.

Step 6 - The Central Processor sends a request for 100,000 Nano-bots to be made with a request of "Delete Questionable question " built into their DNA.

Step7 - The Central Processor runs and information script on the web page the original request was made at pulling all of your personal data into the system (don't worry this is simply for your address, all of your bank records are left untouched)

Step 8 - The Central Processor encodes your home address into the Nano-bots DNA.

Step 9 - The Nano-bots are released

Step 10 - The Nanos find your house, and wait until you and your family (if you have any) are asleep.

Step 11 - They enter your Cerebral Cortex by osmosis transfer through the soft area at the base of your skull.

Step 12 - The Nano-bots turn off your consciousness control ensuring you will sleep through the painful and rigorous process of memory removal.

Step 13 - Upon completion the Nano-bots convert themselves to ring-worm to be dealt with by your bodies natural defenses. (Don't worry not before giving you control of your consciousness again... this has only failed in 1% of the cases)

Step 14 - You wake up with a case of "partial-amnesia" you won't remember the question you posted on the site, and you will always wonder how you got ring-worm.

It seems like a long drawn out process, I know, but in all actuality from the time a person presses the "report it" button to complete the process is almost instantaneous!

You have got to love modern technology!

Source(s): Crimson Ditton - Verse 3675432

The ol' 1/2 suckerpunch

How could i name my guitar?

I'd love to name my guitar.. i usually call it "my baby" but i didn't find any good name.. could you help me?

this is how it looks like : http://www.mistergooddeal.com/partage/im...

i don't know if i should give a boy or a girl name..


Good evening Corporal,

I am actually an expert on this subject, because I have helped many, many people choose the right name for their inanimate objects. Let's call it a habit of mine. I often look at an inanimate object someone owns and feel an uncontrollable urge to stop the person who owns it in the middle of whatever they are doing and scream the name of the object at the top of my lungs in their face. It's hard for some people to understand my genius, but I allow them the chance to try and appreciate it.

The second reason I am an expert on this subject is the simple fact that every object I own has been named it's true name, successfully gathering an army of inanimate parallel object souls 30,000 miles above my house in earth's atmosphere. This may sound intimidating, however, once you get a feel for it, you will be well on your way to gathering your own army of parallel object souls.

I love the fact that you have chosen your guitar as the first object you would like to find the true name for. It is one of the most challenging objects to follow through the transfer stream, but I imagine somewhere in your sub-conscious you already knew that, and that your inner-alamo is vying for some "last stand"

Let's get started because you will be dedicating the rest of this decade to the process, including but not limited two at least 7 temporal jumps that could last anywhere from 1 minute to 300 years.

The first thing you will want to do is to smash your guitar to pieces. Make sure that no piece is larger than your own ear canal, because you will be passing the entire thing through there as a future self. don;t worry though you will return later to just before you do this to stop yourself from doing it again (given you follow these instructions to a T) but you will have to suffer the agony at least once. (more than likely three - infinite times, but don;t worry if you get stuck in the temporal loop where you are continuosly passing the guitar pieces through your brain, there is a way to fix it. Granted it will mean the end of the human race as we know it, but that is also fixable through another temporal loop process we can jump start a few days ago if you need it)

O.K. now that you have broken your guitar into pieces, you must try to start passing the pieces through your ear canal and into your brain. You will show up from the future and try to stop yourself from doing this, but you must not listen to yourself, and you must succeed in passing all of he pieces into your brain. Your future self will even say that I told you not to listen to it and try to convince you that I am lying.

This is a lie.

Once you have started the process of passing the pieces into your brain, it should start to take over for itself, meaning the pieces will start marching up your body and planting themselves in your brain. This is good. It frees you up to start some of the temporal loops you're going to need later.

Start the following temporal loops:

1) An infinite chicken soup making loop (making sure that you use a cast iron pot)

2) a loop to counter-act the chicken soup loop

3) five seprate Chinese language loops that stop in the year 5634

4) Your choice of loop that will allow you to have ice-cream during the 1912 world's fair

5) one loop that changes your mailing address automatically every hour on the hour (this will be where you receive all communications . they will arrive in sealed packages with a "Federal Ickspress" Sticker on them.)

That should do for now.

You will notice that while you have been away, most of the guitar will be in your brain now. look in the mirror, your head should be vaguely guitar shaped. If it isn't start a loop for dental school and it should reset the fields.

O.K. now one of your past selves will be visiting you with the time machine you will have already built. This will look alot like a safety harness with sequins glued on it, if it doesn't DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT use it, One of your other past selves may try to show up and give you their version of a time machine that looks like Leonard Nimoy's left arm. This version of your past self is actually wreaking havok on the timeline right now and frankly we're getting very tired of it, so please, don't encourage them.

At this point, take the proper time machine and set it on the floor. You will see a version of yourself from .1 seconds in the future begin to grow into the harness. you must not let your .1 seconds future self keep hold of the harness so you will want to shoot them in the stomach. If you do not you become a 5th grade PE Teacher. If you do shoot them and they don't die, you become yourself, except your voice will not resonate in earth's atmosphere (use a Type A diabetes inifinite loop here). So make sure they die completely, if you do you can then start the actual process of breaking your guitar apart. I now it's tricky, but you'll have to do this for most of the rest of your life. Only when you've reached The loop threshold will you be able to enter the transfer stream with your guitar.

It's easy enough from there on out.. simply locate the Name lexicon floating in the transfer stream (it will be an infinitely probable world object projected into a 7 dimensional gauge field, so it's easy to spot) pour the Chicken soup on it, and your guitars name will appear in the middle of the war of 1812. I can't remember the exact coordinates, but you'll be an old hand at it at this point. Whatever you do though don;t use this version of yourself to travel into the war of 1812! that is a mistake a lot of newbies make! You'll want to make sure you have about 300 copies of yourself to send for you, each with a 90 percent tilt compounded into their default posture.

One of them should be able to get the name of your guitar and then tattoo it onto your left shoulder blade. probably about 2 minutes before you started the original loops. May as well go ahead and have a new copy of your future self come back and read it for you so you don;t have to walk all the way into the bathroom. That's what I do for simple menial tasks all the time now and trust me it makes a world of difference! I've never had to get up to find the remote for infinity squared!

Have the future self who read the name mail it to your alternating mailing address, where your personified guitar (man those things creep me out) will be waiting in a striped bikini. Make out with your guitar and slyly slip the name off your shoulder blade and into it's soul, by chanting the mantra you learned from Aldous Huxley.

Good luck! I wish I could be more help with this, but one of my future selves is currently killing me, I'll try to come back 3 years ago, and see how you are doing.

Source(s):

Celery Loop divided by Infinite Argument with Judas Iscariot

Flipping the Bird

How do I load lead into my Papermate Titanium 0.5mm Pencil?

Good question, give me two seconds to turn off this Caterpillar 9600 Earthmover so I can hear you more clearly.

There we go, I think we're about 2500 miles from the Earth's core. Should be stumbling across that Dark Matter any day now.

Well, welcome to the dig site. It's as good a place as any to ask about titanium and lead. I'm not crazy about this "paper" you speak of. Sounds waif-y. I'd try to set it on fire, see what happens. That's a rule of thumb in my house, if it doesn't burn when held over a flame, it can stay. Does not apply to my smokes. And I don't see the word "cave-dweller" as a negative connotation.

To get any sort of titanium into a pencil, you'll need to get a diamond tipped rotary saw and four dozen blind field mice. Have the mice lead (no pun intended) you into their hidden underground kingdom and barter with the King Rat for a wheel of aged sharp cheddar. He's a bashful fella, so don't try holding him over the coals, he'll just as soon eat through a dozen of crates in your attic and make a nest out of your previously mint condition full set of 1984 Fleer Diamond Club MLB trading cards. Trust me.

Once you have the wheel of cheddar, cut a few fleur-de-lis patterns on the "long side" with the diamond tipped saw. If you need practice, make a few practice cuts on the hood of your car. It won't feel much different than cutting up some cheddar with those diamond tips.

The fleur-de-lis are of course the calling card of those who have mastered the dark arts (with the exception of Jon Stamos, that guy is 100% invincible [there Jon, I've mentioned you, will you quit living in my rhododendron bush?]) and the cheddar cheese wheel will allow you passage through the rat chambers.

When you get past the rat kingdom, start lighting large paper fires to smoke out any lingering mice. The smoke should make your eyes burn, if it doesn't you are a harbinger of the apocalypse.

As the master of the dark arts welcome you and your cheese wheel, salute them with the "once around and double back, in my sock and up the stack". Reach down between your legs, tie your shoe laces together, attempt a back flip from the kneeling position and land on your neck, making a sock fall off and your nose bleed. They will respect this, though their cloaks may smell otherwise.

Within their left cloak pocket, is a tiny cylinder of titanium. Kiss their wretched, filthy boots, once on each toe and they will transmit a lifetime supply of titanium into your lead pencil.

Source(s):

You think Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker was a mockumentary? Think again.